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Post by knox on Jul 30, 2013 2:19:25 GMT -5
I think I just realized how truly terrified I am of confronting the jury...
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Post by knox on Jul 30, 2013 17:43:21 GMT -5
EPISODE XV [/b] "Your sleep schedule is whack!"[/font]  [/center] Holy Fuck! I won! I WON SOMETHING!
I cannot express how incredibly proud and happy I am right now. This is like amazing, I never win a challenge like EVER and the fact that I won, and not only any challenge but the FINAL challenge... that is huge. For someone like me who is normally a hindrance in challenges, winning this one is just amazing.
I am super nervous about facing the jury. I am not scared about losing, but I am scared to find out that someone I really cared for or whom I considered a friend does not really like me or respect me. I am terrified to find out people hate me and think I'm just stupid. Especially Henry.
I am so nervous for the process, but at the same time I am ready and willing to go through it. Part of me just wants it to start right now so it can finish faster and I don't have to fully endure the pain that is sure to come. I know they are going to be harsh and I know they are going to be condescending, but that is what I signed up for.
The only obstacle is Cassie, and AJ's inability to de-attach herself from her emotions. I adore that girl, she is so genuine about everything, but she might tie it up between Cassie and Thiago because she does not want to hurt Cassie. Especially considering how vulnerable Cassie is. And trust me, I get it. I don't want to vote out Cassie at all, but she is going to win and even though I don't want to hurt her, I need her to leave.
Can anyone believe I made it? I surely can't. |
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Post by knox on Jul 30, 2013 19:26:38 GMT -5
This game is truly a roller-coaster of emotions. I think that this is the time that I should be the happiest but after talking to Thiago and Cassie I am just upset. I literally wasted eleven hours of my day to ensure I had a shot, and it turns out I am not going to have a shot regardless of what I do.
Thiago, apparently has all this arguments and awesome stuff that he made, and apparently he is a puppet-master. According to Cassie he has Henry, hers and Mark's votes guaranteed because of what they said on their way out and because of stuff she heard about the jury.
Cassie has all the relationships and all the likeability. She is charming, smart and played a relatively clean game. She would get everyone's votes because people have told her what she has to do in order to win at the end and have tried to help her all along.
Basically, I am about to become a runner-up, maybe second runner-up because apparently I suck. I feel defeated and I almost want to cry. I need to go for a run and play some sport to blow off some steam and clear my head. My decision, however, is final. Cassie has a bigger shot at getting the votes from Ellen/Dom/Ben/Colleen/Selena/Luca than Thiago does, I believe. So he might start the finals with a 3-0-0 advantage but I am going to fight to get the other votes. And maybe, just maybe, I can convince those three who have their minds made up to change their votes to support me.
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Post by knox on Jul 31, 2013 22:50:09 GMT -5
The jury's reaction to Cassie being voted out confirms that I made the right choice. I am sure it's gonna be thrown in my face, in a way, but if all of them are mad, sad or disgusted it's like obviously they want her to win. I feel horrible because she is my close friend but so have been people in this game, like the whole Final Six has been people whoa re really close to me, I think, so I had to vote so many people I liked.
I am really, REALLY, nervous about the Final Judgement but I am already here so I am gonna give it my all and hope for the best result. I actually wonder if anyone is rooting for me at all, I feel like no one is like even Alumni, I feel like I am kind of a wildcard and people won't be satisfied if I was to win. But I wonder if it's just all in my mind... I need to be more confident about myself. I think.
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Post by knox on Aug 1, 2013 21:09:08 GMT -5
People not posting their Opening Statements is making me nervous for some reason. I can't help but wonder if mine was lackluster or if they can use anything I say to attack me during theirs. I sure hope that is not the case. But you never know. They need to post those O.S. soon so that we can dive right into the questions.
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Post by knox on Aug 1, 2013 22:00:06 GMT -5
FINALE [/b] "Winner takes all"[/font] [/center] To no one's surprise Thiago's opening statement showed he was shadier than "everyone thought" funny enough during it he says that he thinks no one ever realized what a threat he was coming into this Final Judgement and how he was always playing, almost implying that the rest of us weren't.
For the record, I knew he was a threat coming into the Final Judgement, he played a good game, but Cassie's game was far stronger because she was likeable. The fact that Thiago thinks we let him slide because he told us to let him slide is laughable, it all comes down to the fact that I don't think his gameplay was respectable. Making up stuff about people in order to further the lines was uncalled for and just not part of the game, if anything it just made him look shady for doing stuff that was not needed. The sides were going to be as intense without the need for that. If anything all that did was mess up friendships, which is not part of the game.
Did anyone else notice he did not wish me or AJ luck either? Not even out of politeness, that was kind of just... rude. Maybe I'm being too harsh on him, but that little detail kind of annoyed me, not gonna lie.
Anyways, it's time for the jury to make their statements and I am very nervous. I hope I don't find out that people don't like me after all or anything like that. I am ready for those questions and to prove that I deserve to win. |
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Post by knox on Aug 1, 2013 22:15:35 GMT -5
Thiago why are you disliking my post Knox O Pompillio You didn't wish us luck :-( Thiago oh, sorry i dont see the point in doing it publically if ive done it privately Knox O Pompillio politeness but you're right, i suppose, to each their own Thiago i think it's a little rude to dislike my post Knox O Pompillio well, i didnt like it so why would i like it? Thiago becuase i didnt publically wish you good luck? :S Knox O Pompillio yeah, partially Thiago  seems a little immature to me Knox O Pompillio I've been liking and disliking posts all game long, if I agree with something I like it. If I disagree, I dislike it. I don't see why it's immature, the option is there. I also didn't like that you said that your rites of passage was kind of a scam, cause thats like shady. But whatever, to each their own. Thiago it was done during the game, it's strategy fair game Knox O Pompillio The way I see it, its fake. It's not against the rules, but it's like fake... I don't know, I don't agree with it. Thiago alrighty Knox O Pompillio It's nothing personal against you, you asked me and I answered. I think it's shady. So I disliked it. Thiago ok  I don't understand why it's such a big deal. There's a dislike option for a reason, I don't agree with what you're saying so why wouldn't I dislike it? He always comes to me bitching about the stuff I say or do, and it's so incredibly ridiculous. |
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Post by knox on Aug 1, 2013 22:50:52 GMT -5
I do want to add though, because I don't want anyone to take anything personal or out of context: I absolutely 100% adore Blake, he is a sweetheart and I would hope to be his friend once this is over. But I cannot stand Thiago, his attitudes, his condescending nature and his weird way to just think everyone owes him this victory and people shouldn't try to defend themselves. He honestly probably doesn't even realize it. But whatever. In conclusion:
Blake > >>>>>>>. Thiago
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Post by knox on Aug 2, 2013 16:24:34 GMT -5
So, Cassie asked me about me talking to Dominic a million rounds ago, and I can't for the life of me remember anything. I know when I say that I am gonna look phony and fake, but I can't remember. I am already in her shit-list so this is not gonna help at all. But I really, truly, cannot remember exactly what happened.
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Post by knox on Aug 2, 2013 18:23:04 GMT -5
*sigh* do I really come across as this fake person who just tries to make themselves seem like this grandiose human being? This Jury questioning is driving me insane, I am being SO honest I feel and they are all claiming I am not. Like what can I do to prove it?
If I can't beat AJ and Thiago then I never ever had a chance at all, and that sucks because that means I totally wasted my time playing this whole game, especially considering the fact that people don't think I'm genuine even. Gah, what the eff.
I need thicker skin before I play a game again. Truly.
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Post by knox on Aug 2, 2013 21:42:31 GMT -5
I'm starting to wonder if I'm a pathological liar or if I really don't realize when I lie. Maybe I'm just dumb? I don't know, but I really thought I had played really honest and apparently I haven't? I'm confused.
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Post by knox on Aug 3, 2013 18:52:57 GMT -5
You know, this whole process has been a roller-coaster ride. I am much more calm now. I am proud of who I am, how I played and my story-arc throughout this season.I respect every single person who played this game and I am really happy I played this game regardless of the end result.
Furthermore I am really happy with the way I have represented myself through out this Final Judgement and the answers I have given. I think they show who I am, my game and just that I didn't suck dick all game. Hopefully I can gather some votes and maybe the win the game. If I don't though this has been a pleasure. Thanks for picking me Morgan and giving this chance not only to play but to grow, it's been real <3
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Post by knox on Aug 4, 2013 12:40:02 GMT -5
FINALE [/b] "Final Words"[/font] [/center] I think at this point it's appropriate to write my final thoughts as I wait for the game to wrap up. I have done everything in my power to try and convince the jury that I deserve to be the winner, and now it's up to them when they cast their votes.
Do I think I'm going to win? No. I honestly cannot say that I foresee myself as the winner. I would love to, it would be a huge honor to be the winner of one of the Top 3 series I have ever played in my entire ORG life. However, I am not delusional enough to think people are going to vote for me. I believe Thiago is going to win and AJ will be the runner up, and I will be the Becky Lee of the season.
And somehow, even though I am sad I am also proud of myself. Of who I have become and of what I did during this game. I was sincere during my final Judgement and that makes me happy, I never brought anyone down or shared personal details about my competitors. I was true to myself and that makes me happy.
I personally would not be satisfied with a Thiago win, I know that as viewers he would probably be a fantastic winner and probably much more satisfying than me winning. But as someone who played alongside him... yeah, that is not the case at all. But it is what it is, if he wins I will congratulate him and that's about it.
I hope that when the game is over people can respect my game and me as a person. Once this is over I hope I get to pursue genuine outside-of-the-game friendships with players and host alike. I would adore that. I know that I have lost one friend through the Final Judgement process and while it makes me sad to know, I am also aware that I do not want to have a friendship with someone who is condescending and does not care to share my personal life details [unnecessarily, might I add] just to humiliate me.
I hope that everyone viewing and every other player enjoyed this season as much as I did. And I am sure they all love the series as much too. So, there's no point in trying to wish for people to do that too.
I am honored to have played, thank you for giving me this chance Morgan.
Regardless of what happens I am very pleased and cannot wait to see what happens afterwards.
Knox/Alex
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Post by thiago on Aug 8, 2013 14:57:26 GMT -5
Hey Knox,
Alex >>> Knox for me, too. You're a fantastic guy and I do believe that you always have the best intentions, but sometimes it comes across as hypocritical.
If what you really want is to learn from this game, I highly suggest reading all of your confessionals over again after reading other people's. You will see that many of your comments about other people, and the standards that you hold others to, you find excuses for yourself so that it seems like you aren't doing the same things that you criticize others for doing, when in fact you are.
I think you also fail to give credit to other people in your confessional and attack other people's character when you feel threatened in any way. If someone is playing better than you, or someone questions you, or someone makes a comment that makes you feel small even when that isn't their intention/they aren't aware of it, you are very, very critical of those people and immediately get defensive and bash them.
It's ironic that you are so protective of yourself, because you are your biggest critic! I also have learned that you are WAY TOO HARD ON YOURSELF. You're an intelligent person, you can read people very well, and you have a heart of gold. You should be more confident! At the end of the day, the only opinion of yourself that matters is YOURS, and I think your opinion of yourself is often much lower than it should be.
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Post by knox on Aug 8, 2013 21:42:26 GMT -5
Hey Knox, Alex >>> Knox for me, too. You're a fantastic guy and I do believe that you always have the best intentions, but sometimes it comes across as hypocritical. If what you really want is to learn from this game, I highly suggest reading all of your confessionals over again after reading other people's. You will see that many of your comments about other people, and the standards that you hold others to, you find excuses for yourself so that it seems like you aren't doing the same things that you criticize others for doing, when in fact you are. I think you also fail to give credit to other people in your confessional and attack other people's character when you feel threatened in any way. If someone is playing better than you, or someone questions you, or someone makes a comment that makes you feel small even when that isn't their intention/they aren't aware of it, you are very, very critical of those people and immediately get defensive and bash them. It's ironic that you are so protective of yourself, because you are your biggest critic! I also have learned that you are WAY TOO HARD ON YOURSELF. You're an intelligent person, you can read people very well, and you have a heart of gold. You should be more confident! At the end of the day, the only opinion of yourself that matters is YOURS, and I think your opinion of yourself is often much lower than it should be. I think I already grew a lot. But I am always willing to become better, so I will attempt that. I honestly am a very venty person, if I don't just vent and talk about the way I feel then I would keep them in and it will consume me inside. So it's better for me to just put it out. Regardless, thank you for the nice things you said. And I suppose I will give it a shot if I ever get around reading all the confessionals and stuff. |
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I don't understand why it's such a big deal. There's a dislike option for a reason, I don't agree with what you're saying so why wouldn't I dislike it? He always comes to me bitching about the stuff I say or do, and it's so incredibly ridiculous. 