Locked out of Heaven

[knox]

Dominic is trying to pick a fight with me. He is accusing me of having a mean vote for Ben [my vote wasn't even shown], and of having a Final 2 with Thiago because I liked his comment about the vote that said "THIAGTFO" was rude. I am kinda upset because I had never seen this side of Dominic, and I had been standing up for him all along, but whatever. I am not gonna let him be condescending and rude to me.

[Host]

You forgot Liam!

[knox]

Jul 24, 2013 11:17:52 GMT -5 Host said:

You forgot Liam!

LMFAO true. Though I was thinking specifically about this game. SORRY LIAM!

[liam]

No worries (I don't even know what this is in reference to )

[knox]

EPISODE XIII

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"People are always jealous of me!"[/font]

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YAY! I have officially passed my placement from my original season and I join AJ and Gloria as the people who have managed to do this. I am really happy about this no matter how the rest of the game goes, it's a huge achievement for sure.

Not only that but this challenge was like amazing. By far my favorite so far, for the first time ever in this game I feel like I actually have a shot at winning a challenge. Not only did I have fun but I feel like I had a really good time in comparison to others. I really hope I can win so that I can use my idol on Henry and build that relationship that way. Then Dom can go home and we can proceed to the Final 5 as a strong alliance.

Henry told me yesterday that Dominic has been saying stuff about me again, which I am just so tired of. Everytime people talk shit about him, me and AJ are the only two that stand up for him, and him going around telling people that I am telling him information that I am not just bothers me a lot. It's like dumb, it makes zero sense for him to throw under the bus the one person who actually genuinely likes him. Besides AJ but AJ loves everyone.

Whatever, I am hoping that I can FINALLY win an immunity challenge. That would be so so exciting, I am like the worst competitor in the tribe right now [sans AJ] so it would be awesome if I can win something, all the others have won immunities before so it would be super cool if I did too.

Anyways, loved this challenge, loving the game, and life and just everything. I'm so full of love today and I'm loving it. Ha!

[knox]

EPISODE XIV

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"And you now have an idol as a souvenir!"[/font]

[/center]

I have officially made it to the Final Five, I am beyond proud of this accomplishment despite what could happen from this round forward. I stuck with the few allies I made and I made it this far, and sure we didn't make a lot of real moves because we just voted as a block, but I am proud of the fact we made it here.

Last night Dominic was kind of mean to me, which was somewhat surprising, but I guess I deserved it. He basically told me there is no chance in Hell I would ever win. It kinda crushed me a little bit. I am not naive enough to think people are just gonna vote for me, but I thought I'd have a chance to state a case and stuff, the way Dom made it sound, I won't even get that. He said I shouldn't get too upset at the jury questions...

Now, I know I have not played the most amazing game in the world, but I have made slight moves here and there. I have served as an emotional support of sorts for my alliance, and I have kept us glued together when people doubted Thiago. I kept us positive and knowing we could do it despite the odds. It's not a lot, but it is something.

My end game is kind of up in the air, I have told Henry that I want to go to the end with him, and I do. But I also know I would never, in a million years, beat Henry at the end. So, either I break a promise and severe a friendship thus giving me a small chance of maybe winning... or I go with Henry and the person I want to win if I don't, wins. It's kinda conflicting, cause what if I ditch Henry and I still don't win? Then someone who I feel less deserving would be the winner of the game and that would be even worst than being runner up to Henry.

Furthermore, I am worried about Thiago playing the idol on AJ. The way I see it, it's his way of forming one last minute kind of bond, telling her he protected her in the end. Apparently no one knew about it, but it's kinda sketchy to me, Thiago is really smart and I don't believe for a second that he doesn't want to win. We are here already, why wouldn't he want to win? He is making small moves to guarantee jury votes, or maybe to gain favor for the votes he wants to make happen.

I wonder... can I get Thiago to get Henry out without me getting my hands dirty? It's sketchy as fuck, but if they voted out Henry without me then I would be exempt from any guilt or anything, and then I can take out AJ who is probably the biggest threat as she viewed as the "Ellen" of our side.

End game is going to be complicated, but for some strange reason I feel like I might be good with everyone to go to the end. I think they all think I'd be easy to beat, and maybe I am but I plan to give it a fight and not let myself be defeated even if the jury chooses to down-rate me.

[knox]

OMG I play this game on my iPod ALL the time! I am SO excited for it.
Can this mean that I actually have a shot at finally winning a challenge?
OMG I sure hope so. This last few challenges have been so amazing!

[knox]

EPISODE XIV

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"And you now have an idol as a souvenir!"[/font]

[/center]

I'm super frustrated right now. I completely blew the challenge, it was definitively my challenge to lose and I completely blew chunks all over it. First of all I wasn't able to access the board, and even though I took like 6 or 7 minutes to solve the jigsaw the fact that I didn't realize that the first number I entered 26liam gave me a message that said I couldn't access the board instead of the "error you are trying to access a board that does not exist" made me lose a lot of time. By the time I figured it out and I told Morgan I felt really stupid and discouraged. I am getting time compensated for that, but I am still frustrated that I didn't read the board message first.

On top of that the second puzzle really fucked me over. I solved it five different ways until I got the correct password. At one point I started throwing numbers with rosemary as a password because I knew she was the answer. I literally lost over half an hour on that puzzle, the other three puzzles I literally took 20 seconds tops to solve. Not even kidding, I flew threw them.

By the time I posted, it's not an hour but it's a really horrible score. I have like 40+ minutes, and the majority of it is from the second puzzle, I am sure. I am really frustrated because I really thought I had a shot at this. I want to win a challenge SO bad, like I want that and an episode title before I leave or whatever. And I don't think I'm going to get the challenge win because the past two challenges which were totally catered for me I blew.

I am sad, because I feel like I need to start doing stuff like winning challenges because otherwise I won't have anything to sell to the jury. Especially after the conversation with Dom last night. And then even Henry today kinda told me he didn't think I had much of a shot, except he was more sly about it...

I really wish I wasn't an idiot sometimes and I had been able to figure out the second puzzle.

[knox]

Where the fuck is everyone? How am I supposed to talk about the vote if I don't have anyone to discuss it with...

[knox]

EPISODE XIV

[/b]
"And you now have an idol as a souvenir!"[/font]

[/center]

I'm kind of sad, I just talked to AJ for a good two hours and I told her that I was going to vote her out. She said she understood but she was still sad, and I feel horrible that she looked as sad as she did [we were G-Hanging], she says she wouldn't be a threat at the end but I seriously think she is. She is such a sweet, genuine person that I don't see why people wouldn't vote for her at the end.

Not only that but she was the "Ellen" of our alliance, and lets be real had Ellen made the end we would have voted for her no matter what anyone else say. So, I think I really have to do this.

I honestly am having such a struggle with next round. I know the smart thing is to vote out Henry, and then make finals with Cassie and Thiago because then I think I would have a shot at winning the game. However, the person who I am outside this game and who I am representing would never betray a friend and does not lie, and I made a promise to Henry I would go to the finals with him.

My struggle is, do I do what's best for my game, or do I stay true to myself and hope people can respect that at the end? I just don't want to be Zac'd aka completely ignored and disregarded at the end. Because I have done stuff, my social game has been strong and I have had far more power in the votes than Henry, mostly cause he always signed off when we had the vote G-hangs and then I kept him informed over AIM where he "agreed" with the vote every single time.

He is a great player, and he would be a great winner. But I want my shot. But I don't know if I can pull the trigger next round. I know that AJ is voting for him, and she is trying to get Thiago and Cassie to vote him out too, I am not gonna campaign to Thiago to vote out AJ, because whatever he chooses to do then I would be fine. If AJ or Henry go, then I would be better off.

I guess, it's just about waiting and letting people the chips fall into place, next round is the one where I will decide what I want to do. .

[knox]

EPISODE XV

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"UNTITLED"[/font]

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Holy crap, what the Hell just happened?! This is me, literally:

Henry is out?! I literally never thought it would happen, like he was so convinced Thiago would never risk a 2-2 tie next round, and now he did and Henry is out. And I don't know what my chances are of making finals now. Thiago could win the last challenge and then they would all vote me out.

I can't process this at all. I know for my game it might be a good thing as it makes me not have to make a really hard decision next round, but... I am so sad. I really think Henry deserved to go further than fifth place, and now he is out again and I'm like I don't know what to even say or do, or react.

I mean I knew AJ talked to Thiago last night, and I totally didn't but I never thought AJ would be able to convince him to vote him out. Then Cassie had promised not to vote for Henry, and... holy fucking shit. What does this mean to my game? I know endurance is next, and I have NOTHING to do in my life so I have a chance. The problem is, I get easily distracted, like reaaaally easily distracted.

I am nervous going into the last round of the game. I told AJ I didn't want her in the finals, so I doubt she would want me there anymore. And I don't even know if I truly stand a chance against anyone. I feel like maybe Cassie > AJ now, but I have no clue, I mean Henry might be a little bitter because Thiago/Cassie backstabbed him, but what about the rest?

Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck. I am like literally all over the place right now. I truly never thought Henry would go. And I have such conflicting feelings about it. Can my somewhat squeaky clean game stand a chance at finals, or am I fooling myself into believing this group of people might respect that kind of game?

Episode title to be edited in later when someone says something funny/memorable.

[knox]

EPISODE XV

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"UNTITLED"[/font]

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I think not voting for Henry is going to hurt my chances to win at the end, I can see people saying I was a coward for it, instead of viewing it as a loyal move. Likewise they all think that I was Henry's bitch even though it has been a very two-sided relationship where we communicated with each other.

I am pretty disappointed that Thiago did vote Henry, in a sense, since he had promised he wanted F3 with both of us. It was smart, but at the same time he keeps adding onto all the unnecessary lies he has told in the game. He was immune, he could have easily told us, or at least me what was going on with his vote.

This round, I have to pull out an immunity win. That is the only guarantee that I would plead my case to the jury, otherwise, if Thiago wins then I will ask him to vote for one of the girls. I am not sure what the tie-breaker is, but if it's revote still and then rocks, whoever doesn't get voted for would go at rocks, right? Or do all three of us pick rocks? I mean it would still be my best bet, I think. He would be immune, and he already thinks I'm kind of dumb so he would like me at the finals, I think.

If Thiago loses the challenge and Cassie wins, then I could easily side with the girls and vote him out. Though I am not sure if Cassie is better in the finals than him, or AJ. I am still very much conflicted on whom would better my chances. Yet, I think I won't have much choices unless I win immunity.

On a positive note, I am very excited to do the Fallen Comrades/Rites of Passage because it's always my favorite part, to be able to reflect about the people I played this game with and just pay them one final respect.

[knox]

EPISODE XV

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"UNTITLED"[/font]

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I'm getting ready to participate in the final challenge, EVER, in GvE history. It is both a huge honor to be able to do this and a huge responsibility, seventeen others wanted to be able to have a chance at this challenge and yet. It's only four of us who get to do it and I am one of them.

I feel immense pressure, the only way to guarantee that I will be able to face the jury is if I get to win this challenge, so I have to give it my all. No matter what. I have over 48 hours to get it done and I have prepared extensively.

I just spent like twenty minutes collecting all the pictures and putting them in order, from Kimi to my own, making sure that all I have to do once it's ten minutes, is go to the document, copy and paste the link. Then set my alarm again. It sounds simple enough, but my mind works at such a high rate that I get distracted super easily, and I am worried that my lack of focus is going to knock me out of the competition.

But I am going to try, because I am here and I have prepared and I genuinely feel like I deserve to make it to the end. And I am going to fight for that right, I am going to represent for anyone who might be rooting for me, and to show to those who have no faith in me that I can do it and I can win a challenge.

It's game time baby, and I am ready to play!

[knox]

EPISODE XV

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"Your sleep schedule is whack!"[/font]

[/center]

Well, I tried the challenge last night. I did like nine hours, if my math is right. Which I suppose is really good, however it somehow doesn't seem like enough. I have this horrible feeling that Thiago is going to pull it off somehow, even though he swore up and down that he was not going to do very well cause he had stuff to do.

But it's Thiago, he is known for lying. Which talking about, he confronted me yesterday because of the fact I said he lied a lot in my rites of passage. I was surprised he took it at heart, because I mean that's the way he plays the game both last and this time, he kind of lies, lies, lies. And obviously he didn't see all the really nice things I said of him. He basically accused me of trying to influence the jury with my RoP which I found rather insulting.

I would never do that, it's ridiculous to think what you say in the RoP is going to affect someone's opinion at all. Likewise, people will probably not even read what you say about other people, so why does it matter? I am kind of annoyed with it, because I was being really sincere and heart-felt about my RoPs and he is accusing me of being fake.

He then proceeded to tell me that he was ready to get fourth and this little melodramatic thing that was completely unnecessary considering the fact that I was about to offer him a deal. Which I did, my deal with Thiago was as follows: if I won immunity, I would help him tie it, and if he did he would help me tie it. That way, we have a shot at both making finals.

At this point I think he is the one I have the best chances against, other than that I am starting to think I want Cassie to go this round. She has a lot going on with her life right now and I don't want her to stress about Final judgement, not only that but I think she would be a tough adversary. She has been more strategic, no one has gotten mad at her and she is very smart and a good speaker. AJ might be viewed as Cassie's follower, even though she is out "Ellen" and is super likeable.

At least that's where my mind is right now. Win the challenge, vote out Cassie, prove myself to be a good competitor and go fresh from my victory into the FJ where I can hopefully impress some people.

[knox]

AJ [Kirin Pandit] (bbtarsurvivor13) is available 10:24 pm
Online: 3m

Knox O Pompillio 10:24 pm
i totally just sent you a snapchat

AJ [Kirin Pandit] 10:24 pm
omg let me check
awwwwh
yes of course!!!!

Knox O Pompillio 10:24 pm
yay
soooo
how did you do in the chall?

AJ [Kirin Pandit] 10:26 pm
i kept messing up so i ended up only doing 4 hours

AJ [Kirin Pandit] 10:26 pm
i might try again tomorrow
it's just hard because my final is on wednesday and it's hard to study and do the challenge at the same tie
time
today i just got so worn out that i just had to stop and go home

Knox O Pompillio 10:26 pm
tbh you should focus on studying
i dont think anyone can beat me
I have like 9 hours, if my math is right

AJ [Kirin Pandit] 10:27 pm
yeah, that's what i figured
i just didn't want it to look like i didn't try ):

Knox O Pompillio 10:28 pm
4 hours is pretty good, i mean its up to you
but if you wanna study

Knox O Pompillio 10:28 pm
i wont vote you out

AJ [Kirin Pandit] 10:28 pm
no, it honestly was too hard to focus on remembering the post and studying at the same time
it worked for a few hours but i got too tired and stopped being productive
so thanks that makes me feel better, even if you do vote me out, i just wanted to let you know i tried

Knox O Pompillio 10:28 pm
i know you did
but thats why i wanted to talk to you
about the vote

AJ [Kirin Pandit] 10:29 pm
yeah of course
what are you thinking?

Knox O Pompillio 10:29 pm
I am thinking of voting for Cassie

AJ [Kirin Pandit] 10:30 pm
i definitely think she's the biggest jury threat

Knox O Pompillio 10:30 pm
absolutely 100%
I think if we dont vote her out she will win hands down

AJ [Kirin Pandit] 10:30 pm
i agree completely
i am just really going to have to think about it and process it
because she will be completely heartbroken, devastated, pissed and upset if i vote her out

Knox O Pompillio 10:31 pm
yeah, she will be

AJ [Kirin Pandit] 10:31 pm
which, i shouldn't care about, because she did it to me in season 3, but i dont know if i have it in me to do it

Knox O Pompillio 10:31 pm
but if you dont, then the jury is gonna see you as her puppet

AJ [Kirin Pandit] 10:32 pm
i know, i know

Knox O Pompillio 10:32 pm
I'm 100% voting for Cassie

AJ [Kirin Pandit] 10:32 pm
trust me i've thought about everything

Knox O Pompillio 10:32 pm
and Thiago is too
so you can either tie it, and see what happens, or vote her out

AJ [Kirin Pandit] 10:32 pm
well that makes me feel a lot better if i wouldn't be in the tie
i was expecting it to tie with me and thiago, and if it was a challenge i'd obviously lose
that's also really shitty of me to do to thiago, like for him to vote cassie and me to vote him
so i dont know, trust me i've thought about all the implications of everything

Knox O Pompillio 10:33 pm
look, if i do win like i expect to
then you can tell cassie
I told you we are voting her out 100% and you are conflicted
so its not a blindside

AJ [Kirin Pandit] 10:34 pm
yeah, i will

Knox O Pompillio 10:34 pm
i mean you dont have to be sneaky about it at all

AJ [Kirin Pandit] 10:35 pm
no i wont, i'll tell her exactly how i feel
like, i definitely realize all the game-consequences of everything
it's just internally, i dont know if i have the emotional strength to vote her out. which is really shitty and makes me a terrible player
and no one will respect that
it's jut something i really have to think about

Knox O Pompillio 10:36 pm
I completely understand, you are emotional and your bond with Jordan is like a huge thing
I just kinda wanted to lket you know where things stand

AJ [Kirin Pandit] 10:36 pm
i really appreciate that
and you not voting for me seriously means SO much, thank you so much

Knox O Pompillio 10:37 pm
<3 of course

AJ [Kirin Pandit] 10:37 pm
i feel like if i do end up voting thiago though, he will want you to vote for me
because i'm easier to beat in a tiebreaker

Knox O Pompillio 10:37 pm
i wont
im voting cassie
he knows i want you and him at the end

AJ [Kirin Pandit] 10:38 pm
thank you SO much
i really can't tell you how much i appreciate that

Knox O Pompillio 10:39 pm
of course, no worries <3 if i dont win, out of the other three people left id rather it be yo
you