Round 8

[aj]

Ugh……I FEEL TERRIBLE!!!!! By giving Cassie the idol, and not voting for me in the revote, Mark pretty much just gave up his game for us. Seriously, I feel so bad. I’m happy to still be here, especially with Cassie, but I’m just so sorry to see Mark go. He was such a great ally to me this entire game, and he helped me so much.

Obviously, Cassie and I are in a terrible position. I assume that Ben/Colleen/Ellen are going to throw this next challenge. I don’t know if there is any way Cassie and I could win this on our own…

The only way Cassie and I have a chance of surviving the next vote is if we find the idol. And we both suck at finding idols. Especially me.

So, yeah, there’s not really much to say right now. I really want to say my quote from season 3, because it feels relevant to me right now while I’m in this awful position…



However, I honestly feel like it might be hypocritical of me to say this when I have barely talked to the 3 of them…I can’t just expect them to come running up to me when I haven’t made much of an effort myself (although it should be noted that every time Ellen and I have talked, I've IMed her first). But even for the people on the other tribe, it's clear I'm next to go, and I would appreciate any of them taking the time to talk to me. Honestly, if Ben had gone home, I would probably have talked to Ellen and Colleen, not in a sucking-up way but just in an apologetic “I hate that it turned out this way” kind of way. But, Ben’s not gone. I’m in the minority now. Any of those 3 taking the time to talk to me on my way out would mean a lot. And I would remember it on the jury. But again, I can’t expect them to do that. I am free to IM them myself, but honestly, I just like don’t even know what to say to them. Ugh, I suck.

[aj]

This morning, I was really thinking about my time here in GvsE. I was thinking to myself, how crazy is it that I am going to be voted out by the exact same people in both my seasons??? That’s honestly really ironic. But wow, what a story. In season 3 when they voted me out, they were sad and hated doing it; here, they're going to be ecstatic and celebrating the fact that I’m finally gone. Wow, what a long way I have come. But unfortunately, it looks like it might have been the wrong way.

Then, this afternoon, the new idol clues were posted. Cassie immediately started investigating and came up with a couple promising answers. Took a wild guess, and waited in anticipation, and then received the best news I've gotten in 2 seasons of this game....

I FOUND THE HIDDEN IMMUNITY IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my gosh, seriously, I cannot even tell you how excited Cassie and I were. We were freaking out!!!!!!!!!!!!! We NEEDED this. We seriously needed this more than anyone in the game. And we got it!!!!!!

This is huge. But it means absolutely nothing if one of us don't win individual immunity tonight. If neither of us having immunity, we have a 50% shot at both staying, which is still great of course. But if one of us has that individual immunity, then oh my gosh, imagine all the power we would have.

But I'm not getting my hopes up. This challenge is difficult because Cassie and I have to like, play against our own tribe. I noticed that all the threads I put flags in magically have a fairly high view count now, and when I initially posted the flag, the threads only had 1 view....So I know someone has been looking. So I'm going to have to be sneaky and slip them in somehow. Winning individual immunity will definitely be hard, but it can be done.

So I am definitely not getting overconfident. It's very possible that neither of us win immunity, and then I play the idol tonight and Cassie gets votes and goes home. But we'll see what happens. This idol has given Cassie and I a glimmer of hope that we certainly did not have last night.

[aj]

Wow. I went from being 100% prepared to leave this round, to being 100% prepared to have Cassie leave this round….To being safe? How did this happen?? Like, wow. What a crazy turn of events. It’s nice that Cassie and I have both made the top 10 with an idol, but like, this round still sucks a lot.

The challenge really bothered me. It’s jut really hard when you have tribes that are so incredibly divided. It’s seriously like we were doing the challenge against our own tribe more so than against the other tribe. It was honestly just really frustrating. I heard that the other tribe found all of Cassie and my flag’s first so it’s just kind like “…K cool.” Like, if our tribe was unified, they would have told us about their posting mechanisms, and when the live part of the challenge started, they would have come up with some sort of posting order for how we can split it. Ugh, it’s just annoying. I guess I’ve just never felt like people were so against me before. I mean, I remember feeling shitty in season 3 when everyone was against me, but this time it just feels so much more malicious. And this challenge just showed it.

I truly thought our tribe was throwing it, though. My guess is that one of them correctly guessed the answer for the idol, and found out it was already gone, so they know we have it. So statistically, for the "other side," it’s better for Prolia to go Judgement because they have a 66% chance of surviving where as on my tribe it’s only a 50% chance. If that makes sense. I am extremely worried about the other tribe’s judgement. I have become so close to Henry, Knox and Thiago at this point and it will really kill me to see any one of them go. ): Maybe we’ll get lucky and not pull the purple rock, but chances of that are extremely slim. Ugh, this sucks so much.



On top of that, Dominic is like really emotionally stressing me out lately. I wanted to work with him in this game so, so badly. And I honestly feel like I tried so hard. But he’s just so against me, and clearly doesn’t realize how much I love him. Every time Cassie is talking to me about all the mean stuff Dominic does, all I do is defend him. It’s not that Dominic is like, mean to me or anything, but he just like always random stops responding to me pretty early in our conversations, which makes me feel like he doesn't care, and then when we talk game he is just slightly abrasive with me. I have so many things I could call him out on, but I don’t because I just don’t want to create any tension or start an argument between us. Like for example, the other day he said

Dominic Belli (15:07:05): like there's no wiggle room for side deals or anything because everyone believes "HERE ARE THE SIDES AND STAY ON THEM"
Dominic Belli (15:07:09): and it's just maddening

And I wanted to be like.....Um, wasn't the alliance that we made with Chase and Mark a side deal? And he was the one who broke it!!!!!!! Omg, I was so frustrated...

It’s just hard because I feel like he took all the steps at turning against me, which is fine, but it just sucks because he’s just really hard to deal with in a game sense, and I feel like once we merge, he’s just going to make it seem like I’ve done so much wrong to him. Idk. I’m having a hard time expressing my feelings on this one, but I guess what I’m trying to say is that it's hard for me to separate my personal feelings for him from the game.

It’s nice that I have an idol, but honestly, it’s made things really difficult. Without an idol, there’s always one option that you have to go with and hope for the best. But when you have one, you second guess everything and it makes everything so much more difficult!!! I honestly don’t like having it. If I make the merge, I probably will give it to someone lol.