Episode Seven

[thiago]

I wanted to post this because it's really on my mind.

I think that Dominic is batshit nuts. This kid has so much growing up to do. He has a horrible case of I'm-never-wrong and a massive ego. So, so damaged.

So, I posted in the challenge thread clarity on the rules since he announced that legitimacy is not being graded, which it is, so I quoted the rules so everyone could see.

Without any hello, how are you, or anything, I get bombarded with this:


DOM:
Stop being disrespectful, please.

ME:
hey! i thought you were away
what's up?
what do you mean?

DOM:
oh ya know. just being called out in a public forum
thanks.

ME:
what?

DOM:
I didn't read the line. Sorry I'm so dumb.

ME:
oh, no problem
i figured you missed it

DOM:
That was sarcasm.

ME:
hey is my avatar showing?
what?

DOM:
You could've approached me and said something in private IM as opposed to "im going to make sure dominic looks stupid in front of everyone" lmao
But it's whatever.

ME:
...
what's going on here
i thought you were on away
and i don't see anything awful about posting it in there so everyone can see the rule, in case others missed it as well
since you made a statement that it is not a part of the challenge this season, but it is
it's a matter of everyone being on the same page

DOM:
Okay.

ME:
i'm not sure how you missing reading something would make you look bad?

DOM:
I think there was a more respectful way to approach it. As a friend, pulling me aside would've been better
but that's just my opinion.

ME:
well you were on away and i also don't see how it was disrespectful

DOM:
You're on away too.

ME:
yes i'm aware of that, but i am always on away
i don't see the big deal and i'm actually very surprised at how you're handling such a minor thing

DOM:
I guess you're taking my tone differently cause I'm not mad?
I feel like I could talk to you cause i know you're mature about stuff like this.

ME:
i didn't say anything besides quoting from the rules so that you were clear, i don't see how i am "calling you out"
i didn't say anything of harm and you're scolding me

DOM:
...Thiago I am not scolding you -__-

ME:
you're calling me disrespectful.

DOM:
I called the comment borderline-disrespectful
i think you need to reread how you approached this
there was no use of "borderline"
you said i was disrespectful and then threw in a sarcastic comment

DOM
You're obviously going to blow this out of proportion. Wonderful.

ME:
what?
how am i obviously going to blow this out of proportion

DOM:
I've been excited to be on the same tribe with you the whole game and now I approach you about one thing and you're essentially ~shocked~ at my actions.
I feel like you're picturing me charging you with a baseball bat threatening to beat your ass because you posted a rule I didn't read lol

ME:
well i'm sitting here bewildered
i'm not..
i'm replying to you saying i was disrespectful
and i don't see that at all

DOM:
Okay that's fine!
I'm just approaching you about how your comment made me feel

ME:
i think you could have gone about it another way

DOM:
Because regardless of how you thought you came off, I felt a little disrespected.
I said "stop being disrespectful, please" -__-
It's not like I was in full drag throwing in hair flips.

ME:
i think you ought to be a tad more self aware of how that's going to come across right out of the gate
no hello, no how are you, no could we speak about something that's bugging me

DOM:
Because I thought you were away and would just come back to the message -__-
Sorry for coming off as a douchebag and sorry if that changes your opinions of me?

ME:
i'm just a bit taken aback is all

DOM:
I didn't mean anything bad by what I was saying.
I really didn't :-\ I think you read it in a rude tone and it was seriously just me talking to you

ME:
that's fine, but i do think you could have approached it differently



I'm honestly sitting here so confused. I think he has mad insecurity issues.

[thiago]

So let's take this back a bit.

After Wendy was voted off, Ellen got accusatory saying that AJ told Ben that I was in on a split vote plan. Once again, Ellen is becoming really nasty with her words toward me, and this is exactly why I removed myself from wanting to help her succeed a few rounds ago. She doesn't trust me. She really shouldn't now, but the only reason I stopped was because she kept doubting me and it's clear that she would have no problem voting me off, so I guess I will have to do the same.

I told AJ about it and she said that's not true, and then Ellen said let's call it out in the tribe chat. I told AJ/Knox about it and they agreed to play along, so I called AJ out in the chat and she said she never said that, and Ben made a fool of himself showing that he lied a bit to Ellen, but I'm sure since Ellen loves him that she has no problems with him lying yet she can completely disown me for petty things when I was really playing this game to help her win early on, which I regret so much. Anyway, so I don't know if Ellen believes that I wasn't in on the split vote but at least at this point it's ambiguous.

Ben kept saying stuff in the chat like "Thiago tells Ellen everything" which he said to AJ a couple rounds ago when he thought we lost immunity to try get me voted off. I think Ben is a weasel and I really wish he wasn't immune because we would have easily taken him out last round.

We swap again! Cassie played Chase's idol and they 2-2-2'd it and Michael left. Loose lips sinks ships, Michael.

Of course it's 3-3 on both tribes which makes things very interesting. Thankfully Mark has an idol and we have 2 more up for grabs. Long story short, we can't find these damn idols, even 4 clues later.

Legatu Clue 1: something to do with the ruby Burmese legend
Legatu Clue 2: I figured out that it was "SMART" and told AJ/Mark
Legatu Clue 3: no idea!

Proelia Clue 1: no idea, I think it's some sort of anagram but there are 500,000 possibilities
Proelia Clue 2: rest and relaxation? rock and roll? read and review?
Proelia Clue 3: pretty sure it's "FALL" since day can only break and night can only fall

These clues are too hard.

I've now officially been a tribe with everyone left in the game. Luca has yet to talk to me and we're nearing the end of this round. Dominic blew up on me and only talks to me when he wants something. He's awful and cocky and immature. I've tried to chat with Selena a lot and I like her and I think she likes me but the way she downplays things with the alliance we all know she's in tells me that her loyalties remain strongly there. Selena can't win this game if she sticks to that alliance and I hope that one day she sees the light.

YAY we won IC!

I told Mark that if he's going to use his idol it should be on Cassie because they think him and AJ are close and they may just vote for Cassie to hope to avoid his idol. Unfortunately, he did play it and it seems that it was on the wrong person. Ellen plays personally this game and it's shown as she's decided to vote for AJ.

I guess Ben told Mark that he has to go to work so he's not changing his mind but that Mark should vote for AJ and that Ben promises to vote for people inside his alliance before him and that he can never vote for Colleen.

I'm so disgusted with Ben. Mark only played this game because Ben asked him to, as a friend. Mark has told me about fights he has had with his wife, turmoil at work, and lack of sleep as a result of this game. Ben is a selfish kid who asked a favour out of a friend and instead is leaving him high and dry and is willing to risk a purple rock between him and the person he begged to play the game. The ego and selfishness of this other alliance is so painful to see. They have ruthlessly treated people just to get off at the fact that they came into this game with a pregame Final 5, and pulled in Selena.

This is eerily similar to what Ellen has done to me. She told me she would be gone early if I didn't play, and I promised to help her win this game. I was true to it until she flipped out on me with the Colleen screencapping stuff and didn't tell me that she was doubting me. I think Ellen has used me completely. I work full time and have had issues with my boyfriend as as result of this game also. I think that Ellen and Ben have so much time on their hands and this game is one of the few things going on in their lives that brings them joy. I'm not saying that Mark and I are not to blame for accepting to play, but the treatment we have both had from those who begged us to play for them has been malicious. I am so disappointed and I have been rather emotional this morning upon hearing what Mark has told me about how he came to play the game and what Ben has done. It also reminds me of what Ellen has done to me and it has been really hurtful. They could have taken another path but they have been so blinded with "deserving" to go far and that everyone against them is a "bad person" that they forget that we are real people with real lives doing a favour for them, and they've simply spit on us the minute their alliance doesn't need us.

This game has become so brutal.

Ellen also told me, and Ben told Mark the same, about some image with a dildo and angels and AJ and Ellen on it that Chase made and posted in his confessional. Apparently Chase never sent this to anyone and somehow it got back to Ellen and Ben. I'm so glad I restricted access to my confessional because it seems like some of the people viewing this game have been helping Ellen & co. At least that's what it appears to be. It's things like this that can really destroy the integrity of a game.

Here's to hoping Ben gets purple rock'd on his own selfish convictions and we can take over this game against all odds. If Mark goes I will be heart broken and will have to fight my ass off.

[thiago]

Considering it's down to rocks now which "6" takes this game home, I figure I have nothing to lose to completely opening myself up to Ellen about the deceitful way she's played this game. I'm being so raw with her about how I feel she's played. She of course doesn't see it beyond her own fantasy in her head, which is that I never had her as a priority, which I always did. I think she will have big regrets when the game is over and see that she truly has been the villain this season, when in her head she's this helpless underdog.

It's been so tough to risk so much in my personal life for this game, which I agreed to play for her. Of course I can't blame her for me accepting to play this season, but the pain still feels so real. I don't know why she chose this path of ruining our friendship. She didn't even have to do what she's done.

[thiago]

I have to remember what's important in life. Thank you so much for the time you've put into this game, and I don't mean to knock it when I say that the people in my life outside this game mean so much more to me and I feel like I've really given more to this game than I should and taken away time with the people in my real life who I love and feel deserve my attention and energy.

It's all about perspective and prioritizing and reminding yourself of what is really important in life.