Round 7

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Wow. I am SO relieved that the plan to get out Wendy actually worked!! I can’t believe she actually voted for Ellen. Haha, we were stressing so much. Knox and I were literally snapchatting for an hour before results just saying how nervous we were and how much we were freaking out!! SUCH a relief that it actually worked, and not only Wendy is gone, but the idol is flushed as well.



I am definitely sad to see Michael leave. I started this game unsure of where I stood with him since we hadn’t talked in a while, but this game definitely reminded me why I love him so much. And I don’t think that will ever change. Seriously, he’s great and he always makes me smile. But honestly, I’d be a lot more sad that he’s gone had he not thrown all of us under the bus at the last minute. He told Ellen everything, including our plan with the challenge, and him and Cassie’s plan had one of them won immunity. When I heard this initially, I was pretty pissed off, and it made me happy he was leaving. So I mean, I am sad he’s gone since I won’t get a chance to play with him, but I don’t feel bad anymore.



So after results, I message Ben to congratulate him, and he did not seem very happy. He kept telling me that if he didn’t have immunity, he would have been gone. I was just trying to avoid the discussion; I hate discussing hypothetical scenarios. So I was just responding lightheartedly, and kept saying I don’t know what I would have done because we were never put in that situation.

Big Ben (23:31:37): i was lucky to win
Big Ben (23:31:48): if i didnt its obvious id be out..
AJ (23:32:41): not ncessarily
Big Ben (23:32:46): =\
AJ (23:32:53): i wouldn't have voted for you
Big Ben (23:33:02): you would have voted for ellen haha
Big Ben (23:33:09): and let the others take me out
AJ (23:33:29): if that's what they decided to do. i don't like control their votes lol
Big Ben (23:33:43): yes but you wouldnt have tried to save me i mean
AJ (23:34:25): i mean that's a scenario that never came up, so i don't know what i would have done
AJ (23:34:31): but i don't think i could have single handedly saved you
Big Ben (23:34:50): when there are split votes, a single vote can do a lot
AJ (23:35:17): haha true. but anything could have happened in that scenario

So apparently that last comment of mine was translated to “YEP IT’S TRUE THEY SPLIT THE VOTES.” And I guess Thiago wasn’t supposed to be in on that plan? So we went into a group chat where he flipped out and was like “AJ AND BEN, ONE OF YOU IS LYING.” I don’t know, it was all staged because the point of it was to make Ellen trust Thiago, and doubt Ben? I don’t think it accomplished anything to be honest lol but whatever.

Anyways, I think everyone was ready to go into this merge 6-6….But then….SURPRISE. New tribes. I can honestly say I didn’t see that coming.

To make matters worse, I don’t like my new tribe. I have Ellen, who I haven’t spoken to and it’s super awkward. Ben, who I love but I feel so much tension with in this game. Colleen, who I don’t talk to and I doubt she likes me. Cassie, who is acting weird right now for whatever reason, and Mark, who has an idol but he’s on vacation.

I’ll deal with this later.

[aj]

After sleeping over it, I still feel kind of funny about this tribe. I feel kind of bad though because I was being kind of rude to Cassie last night. She was really frustrating me, though. But that doesn’t make it right for me to snap at her. I was seriously acting like such a diva and I hope she's not mad at me.

Basically when the new tribes were announced I said something to her like “oh it’s 3-3” and then she got all defensive like “does it have to be 3-3?” and then went on her “I’m sick of sides” rant. She basically said that she would be open to voting out Mark, but she wanted Colleen or Ben out because Colleen has lied to her and Ben doesn’t talk to her. I said I wanted Ellen out because Ellen is against me and I don’t feel comfortable with her in the game. Then she started telling me how I need to make an effort to connect with Ellen and talk to her about it, and I do the same things to Ellen as she does to me. And I just got really frustrated, said a couple things and logged off.

Maybe I got frustrated out of insecurity. I just can’t have Ellen in this game because it’s too awkward for me. At least I feel I can chit chat with Colleen and Ben, but with Ellen it’s just beyond awkward for me. And I don’t even know how to confront the situation. I really do want to be friends with Ellen, but I just want to wait until after the game. I don’t think that there is anything at this point of the game that would make me want to keep her around. So even if I tried to make things normal between us, I don't think it would like, change anything for me. I don't know. It's kind of a weird thing to explain.

Hopefully Cassie and I will be able to come to an agreement and work things out. I don’t see anyway that I will vote off Mark, but if she wants to, then that’s her decision. If she cares so much about proving people wrong and getting rid of the sides, then she can do that. I’m not going to stop her. She’s my friend, and if that makes her feel better, then I’m fine with her doing that.

Not going to lie, memories from season 3 are coming back. I feel like I am being excluded from the cool kids on Ellis all over again. Can you imagine if Dominic was on our tribe instead of Mark?! Speaking of season 3, can I just ask, were there not sides in season 3 too?? I am pretty sure it was Liberty v. Ellis….It just wasn’t apparent because Liberty kept getting picked off. But, I am pretty sure there were sides since no one on Ellis ever gave me the time of day after the merge. I am pretty sure those were sides. So why are sides okay then, but not now? But it’s whatever. You know, for a couple minutes I did toss around the idea of making a season 3 alliance with Ellen/Ben/Colleen/Dominic and just running with that. I think if Cassie and I sold it well, they might actually go for it.

But the reason I would never do that is because there is no way that I am turning against Knox and Henry in any way. And I am seriously really sad that I am no longer on a tribe with them. This is the first time I have been separated from Henry, and it sucks! It’s just so comforting to have him on my tribe. He’s just so helpful in every way because he’s so smart. And I hate being on a different tribe from him now. And Knox is becoming like my new Chase. I feel so comfortable telling him everything. Having him on my tribe is just like having a friend you know will never turn on you. I love him.

Hopefully, we just win this challenge. We probably won’t, honestly, just from looking at the tribes, but maybe it will be another crapshoot. If we lose, I’m sure we can figure something out, but it's going to suck trying to plan who to vote for. It’s a weird paradox with Cassie. It’s like, we’re so close that it makes it harder to work with her instead of easier. And I don’t know how to analyze that.

[aj]

I have a really, really bad feeling about this round.

I honestly think this could be my last round in the game.

I really do like Ellen's image, so no disrespect to it at all, but I just, don't know if it's winning material.

I keep thinking of of this upcoming judgement and what we are going to do. Even with Ellen immune, we'll have at least 2 or 3 options because of the idol.

But what I keep thinking more about is just, how I got myself in this mess. I'll talk more about it in my final words, but like, I really, really think it's because of the comments I made pregame. Which absolutely sucks. I trusted a couple people months before this game on a personal, friendship level. I just needed someone to talk to about something that was bothering me. And when this game started, it totally was used against me.

It's honestly a terrible feeling. Everyone says that All Stars games are so personal, but I guess I never experienced that until this game. Had I known, I would have just kept my mouth shut.

And can you believe that I'm getting voted out by the same exact people both times?

I'm obviously jumping the gun, but I just don't have a good feeling about this. I just wish I could rewind like, 2 months before All Stars started, and take back the moment that I confided in these people.

[aj]

This round sucks so much that I’ve been trying to avoid talking about it. I’m just really, really hopeless at this point. Nothing positive is going through my head at this point. Instead, I just can’t stop thinking of everything wrong I’ve done in this game. I guess I am more pessimistic than I thought I was.



First concern is Cassie. I know that she’ll stick with me on this vote, and I never doubted that. But she told me straight up that she’s not playing this game for herself, and that she’s not going to win by sticking with me. So obviously that made me feel pretty shitty. I mean, idk. I know this will get a lot of critics, but I told Cassie straight up that if she wants to vote me out, she should do it. If that makes her feel better about herself, if she thinks it will get her ahead in the game, and she’ll feel more content with that decision, I gave her full permission to vote me out, and continue on. I hate that she’s not enjoying herself as much as she could because she feels stuck, so I feel like she might have more fun continuing on without me. But she insisted that she would feel bad voting me out, and she promised herself she wouldn’t do it. Which I really do appreciate, she knows I would never be mad at her or hold it against her if she voted me out. So she's a great friend for sticking with me when she knows it's not her best move strategically.

We have a couple options regarding Mark’s idol. I really don’t know if he would be willing to play it on Cassie or I, and I’m not going to push it. It’s really just his decision. It’s frustrating that he’s hard to get in contact with sometimes, but I can’t really blame him for that. So I haven’t really discussed anything with him because he’s been gone and stuff….And Cassie definitely hasn’t. So that makes things really difficult. One option I came up with is Cassie trying to convince them she is with them #EllisFamily and that they need to split the votes between Mark and I. Basically the same thing Dominic did to them a few rounds ago. I doubt they’d go for it, but if she really sold it to Ellen, then maybe…But doubtful. A more realistic plan is for her and Ellen to just have a heart to heart, and Cassie tell her that Mark is playing the idol on himself. Maybe Ellen will get paranoid and think Cassie is saying that to throw her off, and they’ll think he’s giving it to me. Idk.

I’m just feeling really defeated at this point. I’ve honestly looked almost non stop for this idol the past 2 days, but I can just not figure out the 3rd clue for the life of me. I’m disappointed in myself.



I think the thing that’s weighing most heavily on my mind is Ben. I feel like every time I talk to him about the game, which has literally been 2 times, it’s just been kind of tense with him coming at me kind of bluntly, and then pulling something irrelevant out of me which he takes out of context and sends to Ellen. Yesterday he told Mark that I am the one that lumped him into Ellen’s alliance. I have no idea how this makes any sense, since he is the one I confided in before the game with personal stuff, which he told Ellen, partially starting this whole thing. So I don’t know why he would say I did it.

It honestly hurts a lot more than I think anyone knows. I’ve been trying to stand up for Ben the best I could this whole game. Constantly, on a daily basis actually, people talk about how sneaky he is, how hard he’s playing, how much he has lied this whole game….And even though he is on the “other side,” I have constantly been defending him, not because I disagree with anyone, but because Ben is my friend. I’ve been giving him the benefit of the doubt for most of this game. I would LOVE to work with him in this game, but the circumstances just haven’t allowed for that. I don’t know why he’s so mad at me about my decisions, because it’s not like he’s approached me for a deal or anything. Like I said, we have literally talked game 2 times, and both times it was him seriously coming at me like a big boy charging toward a little girl with a baseball bat. I wish there was some way I could express to him how hard I’ve been trying, but since we’re going to vote opposite ways, I just don’t know how I’ll ever be able to relay that to him. I hate that there’s so much tension. My friendship with Ben outside this game means way more to me than anything in this game, and I’m really, really afraid he won’t want to be friends anymore after this. I know that’s probably a silly thing to think about, but I just feel like he’s taking this so seriously =/

So obviously this round is just really taking its toll on me, more so on a personal level than a game level. I’m just out of ideas, out of energy to strategize, I don’t know, it’s a really crappy feeling.

[aj]

Alright, well I finally talked to both Cassie and Mark together. We basically just decided that we think that they are most likely to vote off Cassie; we don't think they will vote for me, because they want me gone, so they would want me to pull rocks, and they probably think that either Mark or I would play the idol. They would probably assume that Mark is least likely to give it to Cassie. So for that reason, they would vote for her.

So because of that, at this point, we feel like it’s the safest bet to give Cassie the idol. It’s really a guessing game; it could be any one of us. But all we can really do is put ourselves in their virtual shoes and make our best guess of what they would do. All 3 of them are very smart, and they can easily think this through and figure out what we’re doing, too. If they’re smart, they’ll vote off Mark. But I feel like that’s so risky on their part. But it’d be a risk that would be extremely likely to pay off for them.

Obviously this plan means nothing if one of those 3 did indeed find the second idol. Then, our chances of all 3 of us making it alive out of this vote are slim to none. But we can’t really harp on that. There’s not much planning we can do on trying to overcome that situation. So we’ve planned the best we could with the assumption they don't have it, but if they do have it, then oops to us.

Again, we can’t really do anything other then just hope it works out in our favor. It’s a long shot, but you never know. Whatever happens, at least we’re all voting together and playing an idol; 2 things that turned out to be detrimental mistakes in previous rounds when they weren’t done.

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Oops! We guessed incorrectly. I honestly was pretty surprised they voted for me. I thought for sure they wanted me out. Maybe they forgot that the people who got votes would be safe? Maybe Ben really wanted to save face with Mark and not vote for him? Or maybe it was the opposite, and Ben was so frustrated with Mark that he wanted him out....Or maybe they just kept me because I'm weakest in challenges. Who knows; I know I don't.

I'm pretty sure Mark is going to keep his vote the same in the revote, although I let him know that it would be perfectly fine with me if he wanted to change his vote and vote me out so he doesn't get screwed. He assured me, though, that he wouldn't do that. So, if he doesn't, that means I've basically made final 11 with Cassie...

I am going to feel super bad if Mark goes home from the purple rock!!! If he does, he would have basically gave up his game for Cassie and I. He probably thinks we're like these two manipulative little kids!! So I'll definitely feel bad if he goes home after giving that up for us. Him leaving is just going to make the next round even worse, because I would assume that Ellen/Colleen/Ben will throw the next challenge. But I guess that stuff is down the line and we can deal with it after.

It would be nice if this purple rock turns out in our favor, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

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I find it ironic how I am being so targeted, when everyone left in the game placed higher than I did in their original seasons.....

I'm so inferior. I suck at strategy and competitions. Why I am a threat.