Round 6

[aj]

This game will not be the same for me without Chase. He’s seriously one of my favorite people I’ve met through ORGs. He’s so funny and I love talking to him, no matter what it’s about. On top of that, he’s just the best ally you can ask for. I knew, no matter what, that I could trust Chase 100%. Even when he went and ran he mouth that one time, it didn't change my undying loyalty to him. It's so nice to have someone in this cutthroat game who you know will always be loyal to you. But those qualities in him are the same reason he was voted out; he's such a trusting and loyal person. And it just sucks this happened to him. I’m really, really sad I won’t get to play this game with him anymore.

Even more so though, I’m just hurt. Really bad. And I feel like I don’t have a right to be. So thus, I just feel stupid. I wasn’t even at their judgement, and I just feel SO lied to.



I know Selena lied to me last time with the Quincy vote, pretending Chase was voted out and stuff. And that really hurt my feelings, because I NEVER thought she would do something like that, even though it wasn’t that big of a deal. But, this? Seriously? Calling me on Skype to swear to me that she’s voting out Luca? Telling me all afternoon shit like this?

Selena
Me and Ryan are telling the absolute truth when we say we are voting Luca out

I just don’t understand. Every time Knox tells me that she's a huge backstabber and no one should EVER trust her under any circumstances, I would always think in my head that he's being kind of dramatic, and I'm sure she would be loyal to others. But now, I see that Knox is 100% right. After that thing she pulled on me last time, when she told me Chase was going home, I feel like the fact that I didn’t say anything to Chase about that should have proved she could trust me. If she did tell me Chase was going home this round, I probably wouldn’t have even told him because I would have thought it was another trick!!

I know I don’t have a right to be upset. I guess I’m just surprised since I’ve never seen this side of her. I thought we were so close outside of this game. Like, I’ve told Selena things I don’t think I’ve told anyone in my life. We talk about really personal stuff together. I know, I know, that really shouldn’t hold any weight in a game about lying and backstabbing. If this was real Survivor, I would still be hurt, but I would understand. I guess just in an online game, I just don’t understand. Why would she want to hurt me like that?



And Dominic…like, I don’t even know. He told me this last night. Like, why? 20 minutes before results, and he still was lying? =/

Dominic Belli: haha it was fun! but my stomach is in knots right now. i'm so nervous about this vote
12:39 AM AJ: oh my gosh why!! you're not going anywhere!!
12:41 AM Dominic Belli: Yeah I know. Luca is a dead man walking but Chase feels super nervous that I'm lying to him because of what happened during the Quincy vote.
12:41 AM Dominic Belli: So he was talking about using his idol and I'm just worried about who's going to find it after he wastes it.

In the rational part of my brain, I know it’s a game and they’re just really good at it. But it just sucks.

[aj]

After thinking about it for a day, it of course, still sucks more than anything that Chase is gone. So to say that I’m “over” it probably isn’t accurate, but I guess just, I’ve moved on. I’ve accepted it. It’s just part of the game! I’m not going to dwell over it. And of course, absolutely no hard feelings toward Selena and Dominic in the slightest. They made a great game move, and if advancing in this game is their main priority, they should be proud.



Of course, in the heat of the moment, emotions are high and it’s harder to look at situations rationally. So yesterday, I definitely spoke my mind to Selena. She didn’t have much to say, which was frustrating. I guess if I made a move like that, I would be explaining why I did what I did. But she had almost nothing to say.

AJ (13:22:01): I just don't understand
Selena (13:24:52): Understand what?
AJ (13:26:01): I heard that Chase went home =/
Selena (13:26:07): Oh yeah he did
Selena (13:26:58): I can answer the questions if you like.
AJ (13:27:31): Why did you lie to me?
Selena (13:28:03): Because I was scared that you might say something.
AJ (13:28:42): Of course I wouldn't That makes me so sad
AJ (13:28:48): Like, I don't even care Chase went home
AJ (13:29:01): But the fact that you swore up and down to me you were keeping him?
AJ (13:29:04): Over Skype?
AJ (13:29:09): Like, that just really hurts I'm not going to lie
Selena (13:47:48): I'm sorry I know it was a douchebag move
AJ (13:49:42): Last round when you lied and said Chase was going home, I could have told him, but I didn't. I thought that would have proved to you that you could trust me. Like, if our relationship outside the game didn't already.
AJ (13:50:00): I wouldn't say it was a douchebag move. I do understand you're just playing the game, and at the end of the day, I can respect that
AJ (13:50:31): But like, how can you feel good to hurt me like that? It wasn't about the game. it's just that you went out of your way to promise me something that you didn't mean the whole time. I'm just really hurt and sad.
Selena (13:52:11): Honestly, I didn't mean to hurt you at all. I did what I was told to do.
AJ (13:54:23): How does that justify anything Aaron? You're your own person. You can do whatever you want. You KNOW how hurt I was last round when you told me Chase was going when it was actually Quincy. This lie was like, way worse. I'm not mad at you for voting out Chase. I'm just really hurt you did that. You know I'm a sensitive person because I tell you that all the time.
Selena (13:57:20): Yes, I know you're. I am not a mean person or don't try to be.
AJ (14:01:37): I don't think you're a mean person in the slightest. I just thought our friendship meant more to you than that. But don't worry about it, you're just playing the game and I understand.
Selena (14:02:49): I still want our friendship. This game is
AJ (14:05:01): ?
Selena (14:05:29): It's hard.
AJ (14:05:43): It is.
AJ (14:07:22): But it's okay, I don't want to make you feel bad or anything. But I just hope it works out for you because I don't want you to get hurt as well.

I don’t regret telling her that, though. I don’t think that conversation negatively affected our relationship. And truthfully, I felt it was necessary to let her know that actions like that do hurt. I don’t even know if she was aware of that, honestly.



Dominic on the other hand…..Like, total ugh. This guy is GOOD.

I knew that I couldn’t contact him right away. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing to him. I figured that he was probably taking a lot of heat at that time anyways. I knew for a fact that Mark said some stuff to him, and I was pretty sure Chase probably did as well.

But 3 hours after results, I was still pretty frustrated. Why did he think it was a good move to lie to me 20 minutes before votes were due? Honestly, I just wanted an explanation. I felt that was extremely unnecessary. Although him and I have been on supposed “opposite sides” through this game, I feel like we’ve still kept a good relationship. So I just wanted to know why. I wanted him to tell me why he did that, and I would have accepted it and moved on.

So I texted him and simply asked, “Why did you tell me that chase was safe or whatever last night if he actually wasn’t? ):”

His response: “I’ve been attacked all day :/ please don’t.”

How the heck was that an attack? Ugh. I simply just asked a question. But I still immediately felt horrible. I sent him a long text about how I didn’t mean to attack him, I thought it was a great move but I was just a little hurt on a personal level. And he responded saying that everyone’s mad at him, he’s upset, and he doesn’t want to play anymore. And then I sent him a long text about how much I care about him and how he shouldn’t be upset. And of course, got no response.

So, Dominic lied and brutally betrayed my biggest ally, and instead of being mad, I now feel super bad for bothering him. Am I the biggest softie ever, or just a complete emotional wreck? I don’t even know. This guy couldn’t care less about me in the game, I don’t even know how he feels about me on a personal level. He is probably planning how he is going to get rid of me at the merge, if not before then. But yet, I just absolutely love him, and I’ve felt bad all day that he’s upset. I just want him to feel better and continue the game. He’s playing SUCH a good game, he has so much power, he’s so smart. Like, he’s in an incredible position. And I truly don’t think he should be upset because a couple people are bitter about his move.

So, I feel HORRIBLE. That text I sent him was unnecessary. I mean an explanation for why he did that would still be nice, but I just feel bad. Dominic and I have talked pretty much NO game this entire time. So I should have just kept it that way. I feel like because I sent that, I’m now on his radar list, and he’s not going to want me around.

): I just want him to talk to me again. And it would probably be in his best interest to talk to me and clear things up, because I clearly like him a lot and he could use that to his advantage. But I don’t even know if that will change a whole lot. Like, even though he is so hardcore against me and my allies, I don’t know if I have the heart to vote him out. How fucking terrible of a player am I?

I do have to say though, for both Selena and Dominic, I don’t like how they make a huge move and then can’t own up to it. I’m a huge Dan Gheesling fan, and he made huge, ruthless moves, but he always owned up to it. These two are just running away from it, which I do find cowardly. If you can’t own up to your moves, don’t make them. End of story.

[aj]

Last night was definitely interesting.



Started out while waiting for judgement results. I told Wendy I wanted to talk to her on google hangout. It’s next to impossible to try to figure out what she’s thinking over AIM, so I figured that if I talked to her on a call, I would really be able to see where her head was at, and hopefully ensure that she was on my side.

So I called her and we talked for a bit about what we would do at judgement. She told me right away that she wanted Ben and Ellen out. She said Ellen has stopped talking to her, and instead was talking behind her back about how expendable she is. So Wendy appeared to be very frustrated with Ellen. She definitely seemed like she was 100% set at splitting the vote on Ben and Ellen. And sure enough, while I was talking to her, the first set of results went up, where neither Ben or Ellen won immunity. So I was like celebrating on the call with her, telling her how easy this vote would be. I asked her if she was definitely comfortable splitting it 3-3, and she said yes, and she didn’t care at all who she voted for either. I thought she sounded totally genuine, and at this point, I definitely trusted her. I was so excited.

Wendy asks if could add Knox to our call, so I’m like sure! So we add Knox and we’re just talking about the easy 3-3 vote, and other random stuff. But while we’re on the call….BEN WINS IMMUNITY. Oh my gosh, most frustrating moment EVER. And on top of the frustration, it was AWKWARD. Knox and I knew that it meant that we were putting votes on Wendy….So it was so awkward because we had no idea what to say. I tried to take advantage of the awkward moment and get information out of Wendy, but she wouldn’t give a name at all. She just said she didn’t care as long as it wasn’t her.



Anyways, so Knox and I sent each other messages on AIM saying we needed to get off this call like, now. So we subtly said we had to go or whatever, ended the call, and then started a new one with Thiago and Henry.

The four of discussed a pretty intricate plan regarding this next vote. To be completely honest, I don’t know if I fully understand it, haha. But I’m confident that they have this under control. Basically it’s something along the lines where we’re going to try to get 3 votes on Ellen (if Wendy votes with us) and 3 votes on Wendy, but we have to tell Wendy that it’s 4 votes on Ellen and 2 on Knox. But the plan involves only certain ones of us telling Wendy that, because for example, no one will believe I’m actually voting Knox. Idk, the plan is kind of confusing, but basically the point is for Ellen to use it on herself, and not on Wendy. Because if Wendy votes with Ben and Ellen for Knox or I, and the idol is used on Wendy, things could get bad…I was telling them how genuine I thought Wendy sounded in my call with her, and how I really thought she would vote with us, but they all told me that I am too trusting. Haha. And honestly, I should be considering the fact that I've never played with Wendy before, and this is the first time going to a vote with her. Henry spent a whole season with her, and I think even Mark and Knox played with her or saw her play in another game, so they would all know best. Haha.

Anyways, so we planned all of that. Then Thiago said he had to go. I hope that doing this call really confirmed to Thiago that he is totally in with this alliance. He sent me this message as soon as Ben won immunity:

Thiago (23:02:45): ben is immune
AJ (23:03:26): .....
Thiago (23:08:45): yeah
AJ (23:09:16): ugh
Thiago (23:10:23): if it's me just tell me

It kind of bothered me he even said that, honestly. Does he not trust us?? No one even said his name. In fact, when he said that, I thought to myself, “Why don’t we just vote out Thiago, the most paranoid person in this whole game?” but I obviously wasn’t really considering it because that would be dumb. But anyways, I hope the google hangout really showed Thiago that he is totally in on everything and he shouldn’t feel paranoid at all.

Anyways, so he left to go to bed. And Knox, Henry and I just talked for a while. We talked a little game, of course, but it was mostly just random chat. As cliché as this sounds, it felt so good to take my mind off the game for a bit. I’ve been so upset about that whole thing with Dominic, but other then when I told them about it, I didn’t even think of how sad that made me. Talking to Henry and Knox reminded me that there are much greater things than this game. When I got off the call with them in the middle of the night, I just thought to myself how I truly would be satisfied with any outcome of the game, as long as I stayed true to them. Knox and Henry are both such cool people, and I seriously could talk to them all day because they’re so fun to talk to. Knox kept calling me adorable, which like, warmed my heart lol.

I don’t know. Like, it sucks that this round worked out like this. I came up with this perfect plan for the challenge, and the only reason it didn’t work is because some people were unable to do their parts. But hey, that’s life. And at the end of the day, it’ll be okay.

As for the other tribe, obviously it sucks so bad. I guess I should be glad Cassie made the merge with (hopefully) me, but I am just really, really sad that Michael is leaving. He’s such a great friend, and it really makes me sad we never got to play this together…. ):

[aj]

Alright, well, now I understand exactly what our plan for this Judgement is. Oh my gosh, it's a huge risk. I explain it in my first ever video confessional: