Round 3

[aj]

I am honestly really sad to see Annie out of this game. Thiago told me that she was the one who told him that Cassie & I go to school together, haha. But honestly, it doesn’t bother me at all. I seriously love Annie so much. Outside this game, I really enjoy talking to her and I hope we’ll still talk sometimes after this. Her helping me during the first challenge is honestly one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me in an ORG. I don’t know what her intentions really were, but I took it as something she did purely from a friendship standpoint. It really saddens me that I won't get to actually play in this game with her.



Alright, well yesterday was crazy. The title of yesterday should be called "Idol Paranoia." It started out with Hannah giving me a TON of idol clues. She said the idol on her camp was gone and she doesn’t know who has it. So she was like, hardcore helping me find ours. The thing is, I know finding an idol is hopeless for me. I am NOT good at riddles in any way, and I honestly don’t want to have an idol. Too much work! Deciding who to tell and who not to tell, and then having to play it…I just don’t want to deal with that. Lol that probably sounds terrible. But having an idol just makes me play worse, honestly. So while I appreciate Hannah telling me all of this, she was like begging me to keep looking and asking me stuff, and I was just like, ugh, I didn’t want to look!! But honestly I was really surprised she gave me this much information. Her and I haven’t even really talked that much strategy this game, and it’s sweet of her to still trust me so much.



Anyways, so I was going to just give whatever clues Hannah gave me to Chase, but right as I was about to give them to him….CHASE TOLD ME HE ALREADY FOUND IT!!!!!! SO exciting!!!!!! I was seriously so happy!! There is no one else who I would want to have it more than him!!! He told me Mark helped him find it, because Mark has one too!! Then he asked me how I would feel about an alliance with us, Mark and Dominic. And I was like, YES OF COURSE!!! I trust Chase and Dominic completely. Mark I don’t know as well just because we just met a week ago, but it seems so loyal and trustworthy and we’ve bonded so fast. So we all went into a chatroom, and solidified our alliance. We are calling ourselves the “Mac D’s”. And our alliance holds 2/3 idols in the game, so I am feeling pretty good about this.



So while this alliance was forming, I had a short convo on AIM with Henry about the idol. He told me Chase told him that he got into the idol forum, but the idol was gone, and it was only edited to say it was gone 30 minutes ago. Which mean someone online at that time had to have it, which means it had to have been Chase, Cassie or Thiago. And Henry was saying how Thiago was probing him so badly for clues and stuff, which was suspicious. Then, Henry said he had to talk to me about something secret, and asked if we could talk on google hangout.

So I go into a google hangout call with Henry, and he tells me that because of whatever the password to the hidden board is, whoever found it had to have gotten help from someone on another tribe. He also tells me how weird Thiago is acting, how he discovered like 8 clues in 5 minutes and was asking Henry a bunch of odd questions. But Henry was just so suspicious about it all. Henry told me that he confronted Thiago about it, and Thiago like flipped out, insisting he doesn’t have it. Henry’s thought process was that if Thiago DID have it, he would use it to build allies…Then of course he suggested Chase might have been lying about what he said. He also said Cassie had been on the board, so it could have been her. But Henry really wasn’t sure of anything. He was kind of just throwing around ideas. I think at this point he was leaning toward Thiago having it, but he wasn’t positive. I basically just entertained all of his ideas, but subtlety dismissing the idea that Chase could have been lying to him about not having it. I also told him what Cassie did to me in season 3, so he knew it would be a large possibility she could have it and not told anyone. But I told him I felt like Thiago wouldn’t tell anyone about it if he had it, just because he’s SO paranoid. I still said that I could see Chase having it, but I told him that I felt like Chase would want to tell him, because since Cassie and I are so close, he probably wants a partner. But ugh. I FELT SO BAD LYING TO HENRY!!!!!!! I was literally lying to his face!!!! Just to cover up for Chase. And I LOVE Henry! I say all the time how I love talking to him on AIM, but on a video call, it’s like 10000x better!! He is SO cool to talk to. I seriously feel like I could talk to him all day and not get bored. He is just so fun!! And he actually listens to me too, and I know how annoying I can be! Ugh, I seriously love him and I never ever want to vote him out. The fact that he wanted to even talk to me on a call is so sweet! But anyways, Henry was saying how we could always split the votes at TC, and if Thiago didn’t play it, we would know who is lying depending on if the idol got rehidden or not.

So I get off the call with Henry, and I tell Chase I NEED to talk to him like, right now. Chase told me awhile ago he would not talk to me on any sort of call until my birthday, but we couldn’t wait any longer because this was an emergency. So we went on google hang out, and I told him everything Henry said. UGH. HENRY JUST TOLD ME NOT TO SAY ANYTHING, AND HERE I AM BEING A BLABBERMOUTH. But I had to!! I told Chase that Henry is so onto him, and the longer he lies to Henry, the worse this is going to get. After this TC, Henry is going to find out Chase was lying, and it’s going to get bad. I could tell Chase was like, kind of stressing. He kept saying he fucked up and he didn’t think things through. He did tell a big lie and caused Henry to go off on Thiago for no reason. But it’s okay! It had only been like, an hour. We could still make up a little ground. So I told Chase he had to confess to Henry about the idol. But he had to make sure Henry thought he was the only person who knew about it. So Chase told me to stay on the call while he confessed to Henry:

Chase Ingmen (21:32:51): I've gotta apologize to you. I wanted to come into this game and be some master strategist, and I'm clearly not cut out for it. I do have the idol, and I wanted to keep it to myself because telling others about the idol is dumb, right? So I lied to you to try and build your trust, and right now I can just seeing in blow up in my face. You're the only person I'm telling about this because I do want to work with you and I don't want you to not trust me. I'm really sorry
just now
Bill V
its not a problem
and don't worry, i reallly won't tell anyone

So obviously, I don’t know what Henry is thinking. He could have Chase high on his radar, or maybe he truly trusts him. But there are a couple other things to consider about this whole thing. First of all, it could have looked super fishy that Chase confessed to Henry right after my call with him. I didn't even think about that at the time, which was dumb. It could look SO obvious that I went and told Chase everything that Henry told me. I feel like if Henry thought I knew something, he would just confront me about it, but I really don’t know…Ugh, if Henry realizes I did that, I feel terrible!! ): But I had to tell Chase to protect to him. Chase is my #1, always. So maybe I lost some of Henry’s trust, which sucks. I really don’t know.

Now, this is just like a completely awkward and annoying situation. I know that Henry knows Chase has the idol, but Henry technically doesn’t officially know that I know about it. So every time I talk to Henry about it, I have to fucking act and lie, which is SO annoying. I hate lying to Henry because I love him so much. I have to pretend to be paranoid and pretend to want to split the vote because I don’t know who has it. It’s like, every time Henry and I talk, we’re lying to each other.

This is probably the only time anyone will every say this, but I am so happy about the fact that Henry is lying to me about not knowing who has the idol. That means he really is staying loyal to Chase. Henry easily could have come to me and told me, and said we should blindside Chase while he has it. But obviously there are implications with that; he could have thought that I already knew Chase had it because he would have told me (especially since I made it so obvious), or maybe he thought I would run back and tell Chase something. IDK. The whole situation is so complicated. But regardless, I am really glad that he is being loyal to Chase so far and not saying anything about the idol. I really appreciate that.

I’m honestly just tired of lying about it though. I told Chase today that I’d really like for him to talk to Henry if we do end up going to judgement, and say something like, “Hey, AJ is super paranoid about the idol situation. She wants to split the vote, and I don’t want to risk it. But she will keep insisting and be paranoid about it unless I tell her I have it. Do you think we can trust her?” This might be another clue of how obvious it is that I've known the whole. but I'll still be able to stop acting and lying to Henry. Who knows, maybe that would make Henry think that I truly don’t know. Maybe it won’t, but it might be worth a shot. Ugh, I don’t know!



Now, I have to add Cassie to this whole thing. She knows the idol is gone, but she doesn’t know who has it. She thinks it’s either Henry or Thiago. She doesn’t suspect Chase at all!!!!

7:04 PM koolio1414
so the idol is definitely in play
koolio1414
i mean i figured it was...but if Chase is being honest and saying it wasn't there, which i believe him
koolio1414
i'm so glad though that i feel like we can trust Chase 100%

Ugh, I HATE LYING TO HER. I seriously feel so bad. This is my best ORG friend of 4 years and I’m lying to her. What kind of friend am I? Ugh. This is so terrible of me. =/ This whole thing is getting worse and worse because she wants to just vote Quincy to play it safe. Uggggggggggghhhhhhh. What if Henry tells her Chase has the idol before I do, AND Henry tells her I know about it? This can seriously turn out to be a disaster.



But I’ll leave this confessional on a positive note. I LOVE Quincy. Seriously, he’s just so sweet. This comment from him last night just meant so much.

Quincy (00:50:33): seriously, I'm so sorry for not having been online too much
Quincy (00:50:39): the last 2 days
Quincy (00:50:51): you know, I'm usually like I was at the beginning
Quincy (00:50:55): and I work 1 day/2
Quincy (00:52:08): so I'll be online more when I don't work!!
AJ (00:52:36): Oh my gosh, don't even apologize. Seriously, we all have lives and things to do! I don't expect you to be here all the time! Doesn't affect anything for me anyways, you still left like the best first impression ever and that's not going away any time soon. I just appreciate you coming online at all and being so willing to wake up so early to do a challenge! That's so unnecessary of you and it's so appreciated.
Quincy (00:54:23): I'm under so much stress right now, and really, I am so glad to hear that AJ. I'm so happy we're on the same tribe because if you weren,t there, I'd feel so lost

Anxious for Judgement results. Not expecting to win. This will be a crazy night.

[aj]

I seriously cannot believe we won again. I really was not expecting that at all!!! Crazy. But just like last round, part of me wishes we lost, just because once again, I prepared for us to lose, and I was ready to vote out Thiago =/ I am just so nervous about him in a swap situation. I am nervous that he's going to go tell everyone stuff like "My tribe was so mean to me and alienated me, I had no one." or something. I just truly feel that the only way we could get him out was like, now, on this particular tribe. i feel like now, he's going to make it really far because he's so well liked, so smart and so good at this game.

Winning this challenge is probably better though, honestly, just because of all this idol paranoia. If we lost, then Chase and I would have to figure out what to tell Henry, we'd have to deal with whether to split the vote or not, just a bunch of stuff. Now I can just continue to pretend I have no idea Chase has it.



I am SO nervous about a tribe swap. Ugh. This is going to sound super pathetic, but I am SO scared of Ellen in this game. I just feel like if I'm on a tribe with her, my game is done. She's just SO good at this game. She can make people trust her like there's no tomorrow. She's just so sweet too and everyone loves her. I'm definitely not an Ellen-hater, but I guess I have to admit that I'm slightly jealous. I wish I was that good =/

Anyways, I guess we'll have to just see what happens.

[aj]

I didn't think anything else would happen this round. But ugh.

I just did something that I absolutely never even should have thought of doing; I got way too involved in Eduro's Judgement.

Selena and I were talking about it, because I think she's just having a really hard internal decision about what to do, and she just needed to talk it out. Basically, she was either voting out Luca or Hannah. I told her that for me personally, I could care less who goes. But from her perspective, she needs to vote out Luca. She preceded to argue about it and she literally kept going back and forth. I gave her a bunch of reasons of why voting out Luca is best for her game, but she is just too scared of Ellen, she doesn't trust Knox, and apparently Dominic told her to vote out Hannah as well. (Not sure why...) When I told her to just go ahead and vote out Hannah, she said she likes Hannah, and is afraid of giving Ellen even more power. And she knows what a big threat Luca is.

Anyways, so Chase was telling me everything that Knox was saying to him about Eduro's judgement, and it was basically the exact same things Selena was saying. And Chase was like, "We have to get them on the same page." He freaking wanted to create a blast chat and put them in it to talk it out, but luckily I stopped him from that. But Chase decided that he should tell Knox and I should tell Selena that they need to talk to each other and make the decision together about this, since they are saying the same things. But Chase never told me that he promised Knox that he wouldn't say anything to me about it, and apparently Knox is now pissed at him. And he doesn't want to vote for Luca.

This whole situation is something I could have, and should have prevented, but like always, I decided to listen to Chase just because I always assume he's right. What I learned from this is that I need to trust myself more. I need to trust my own judgement, no pun intended. Chase is good at so many things, WAY more things than I am good at. But when it comes to small social decisions like this, I need to start thinking things through and not immediately agreeing to whatever Chase says. I love Chase to death, but I need to have more confidence in my own judgement from now on.

I am extremely concerned now. I trust Selena obviously, but the fact that Knox was so pissed at Chase about telling me what he said slightly worries me. I am extremely afraid that the fact that Chase and I were pushing so hard for Luca to go will get back to Luca. I feel terrible. Luca is so sweet, and I love him a lot. And we have not talked game at all. So I'm an idiot for getting off to a bad position with him before we're even on a tribe together. Especially considering how much power he has in this game right now.

I just hope it all works out. I'm not feeling confident at all, at the moment.

[aj]

This is just blowing up to be a bigger and bigger mess.

I told Chase last night that Selena told me that Dominic was pushing for Hannah to go. The only reason I told him is because I tell him everything. And Chase is the only person in this game who I tell everything to.

Well, Selena just came to me, clearly annoyed, asking why I told Dominic that she told me that he was pushing for Hannah to go. Well, I never did that. I have barely even talked to Dominic since the challenge results were posted.

So I'm like, how the heck could he get that information? Well I only told one person -____- So I ask Chase if he told Dominic, and Chase is like "Dominic said he wouldn't say anything...." -_______-

So now I'm in, yet, another hot potato. Because now I've betrayed the trust of Selena, who literally trusted me 10000%. She told me everything. And that was from no alliance, that was purely from a friendship basis. So I feel absolutely HORRIBLE for betraying her trust.

Chase is kind of like Shane from BB14. He's super strong, and very loyal. But sometimes he just doesn't think before he says stuff. I really don't want to have to monitor myself from saying stuff to him. But I'm on the verge of having to do so. I thought I could trust Dominic 100% as well, but clearly, I can't. Which sucks, because I want to SO bad.

I know all of this probably has nothing to do with anyone in the game right now, as they are all dealing with their own things at TC. But honestly, I can see this whole mess being my downfall in this game. Which sucks, but hey, if that's the case, then I dug my own grave. However, starting right now, I am going to start keeping my mouth shut. It's not even like I'm that big of a blabbermouth though!! But every time I tell things to Chase, things get sticky. Ugh.

At least he knows it, I guess.

Chase Ingmen
God damn it
4:24 PMChase Ingmen
I just need to shut up