Mark's Musings

[mark]

Hey guys!

This is actually a new feeling since I didn't get backstabbed by allies or land here by the hands of a majority alliance. It's almost liberating to be able to make this decision without bitter influence. So...in a nutshell, I love all three of you whether I think you played a good game or not.

In a game of All Stars caliber, I personally believe that masterminds are impossible. Maybe for the duration of a few rounds, but it is impossible to mastermind an entire all star game. So that's out. And I hate the element of friendship and previous relationships in this game, but it's a part of this small community you have to adapt to, and all star games are inevitable across the board, so there's that. I am not affected by how many friends you had, how many friends you were able to hide behind, or how much support you drummed up before the game, so that's out. I am also not a fan of emotionally scattered games. So I don't want to hear over and over again how emtionally scarring it was for you to vote certain people out over others. That has always left a bad taste in my mouth, even watching the real show. It's like really...how much of a slape in the face to those who it didn't affect you to vote out, you know? Make a decision, execute it, own it. That's my motto. I realize I'm entitled to my own motto and no one has to adopt mine, but that happens to be my criteria to judge you on, so....

AJ
You are an absolute sweetheart. I knew instantly I could trust you, and even said in my confessional, "I may be the 15th person saying this", but I still trusted you. But you are one of the ones that has a penchant for agonizing over votes and decisions. Make a decision, execute it, own it. It doesn't make you better in my eyes knowing your heart wrenched to make such decisions; especially knowing you had told Ben to get Ellen to use her idol on him during the round we almost voted him out. There was nothing strategic about that at that point, so I'm kind of .... meh... over the "big heart" mentality. Also, I'm learning that a big portion of this whole Ellen vs. AJ division was caused by your pre-game rallying, which I believe others fully used for their own benefit, reducing you, in effect, to a figurehead. Here are my questions to you:

• Explain your side of the story of rounding up people against Ellen before the game even started, and how you expected that to benefit you strategically.
  
• Refute the fact that you were nothing more than a figurehead by the time the game had been divided.
  
• As God is your witness, di d you really decide on voting Cassie on your own, or were the other two a greater influence in that decision? Honesty is the best policy.
  

Knox
Buddy, it's really hard for me to believe after viewing you in other games for so long, not favorably may I add, that I would come out of two games in a row with you as one of my favorite and closest allies. What's even more odd, is that we spent most of the game apart and disconnected strategically, yet I was still wanting to go to the end with you. I really have nothing negative to say at this point, but the oddest of all. Call me crazy, but I tend to agree with Cassie...honesty is not an act of valor in this game. I know, I know...you try to play a cut-throat game, and people ride you all the time for how much you lied, and then you try to take the high road, and you get ridden for that. It's a no-win situation really. You have to know your competitors, and in this game some of your competitors are not impressed by a so-called honest, bloodless game. That being said, you have to know your competitors if you are at least going to act like that was your game and get away with it. I don't think anyone in the jury bought it, so...

• Tell us your TRUE motivation behind all the judgment "likes" and the ordeal between Cassie and Dominic and most specifically your stance in not voting for Henry. From an outsider's perspective it really looks like saving face in front of jurors.
  

Thiago
I am amazed that you are sitting here again. Only, not really, because I'm pretty familiar with your brain at this point and how you operate. In the early portions of the game the only reservations I had with you was that our teaming up would be way too transparent. And of course, the Ellen factor. But as time went on, we got back into our old routine and I think some of my most enjoyable moments in this game was choreographing with you what we would say to other people about our "hesitance" in working with one another again. Let it be said here and now that Thiago and I were bounds ahead of anyone trying to "convince" us to work together again, and I'm not speaking to everyone. I'm speaking to those who believe that making Thiago and I kosher with one another again was a highlight of their strategy to win this game. Not so. I think this is just another feather in Thiago's cap really. To echo Cassie, people used the Ellen/AJ rift as a platform to pit people against one another. Thiago and I had a conversation early on where he said he intended to chip away at either side. Of course that was no longer possible beyond the brick laying challenge where the lines were exposed, but Thiago was able to settle into one side without suspicion. I think you used your relationships superbly in maneuvering yourself to where you are. Hurt feelings or not, it's all part and parcel. Here's my only question to you:

• It's been addressed that you were overly pessimistic throughout most of this game. Can you explain why you were or why people would percieve you to be?
  

Again, I love all three of you and am so proud you are here. I hope you don't take my critiques as harsh; I'm just trying to keep you from hiding behind a persona that you think is going to make you look better in front of a jury.

[aj]

Hey Mark!

Explain your side of the story of rounding up people against Ellen before the game even started, and how you expected that to benefit you strategically.

This was absolutely blown out of proportion. I never had the intention of “rounding up people” against her at all. In fact, I was purposely trying to avoid talking about all stars because I didn’t want to come across as one of those people that were playing the game before the game even started. Before the game, Cassie told me a couple comments that Ellen said about me before the game started, and I was genuinely shocked to hear these things, because I didn’t know Ellen had any sort of problem with me at all. Instead of shrugging it off like I probably should have, I told Ben before the game started, not in a strategically malicious way, but in a personal way. I was hurt to hear these things, and I just wanted to talk to someone about it. However, Ben ran to Ellen with these things. He claims that he did it to help me and clear things up before the game started, however I feel like if that were the case, he would have said something to me about it before final 7….So I do feel like something that I did on a friendship level was used against me in this game. But I’m not blaming anyone for it; at the end of the day, I overreacted to the information, and I’ll suffer the consequences from that.

Refute the fact that you were nothing more than a figurehead by the time the game had been divided.

I don’t see how I was a figurehead at all, and I never looked at myself like that. I know when the division first started it was distinctively “AJ’s group” and “Ellen’s group.” But like, a figurehead? I mean if you look at us, Ellen is clearly a more well-rounded player than I am. From an outsiders perspective, the odds would clearly be on Ellen, who is smarter, stronger, and more socially savvy than I am. I had to build my own alliances, not rely on people to come running to me with shields to defend me. If I wasn’t constantly building relationships throughout the premerge, no one would have wanted to work with me.

As God is your witness, di d you really decide on voting Cassie on your own, or were the other two a greater influence in that decision? Honesty is the best policy.

I absolutely made the decision on my own. I started thinking about it right after Henry left. At that point, I wasn’t sure if Knox still thought I was a bigger jury threat than Cassie, but I assumed that he would shortly realize that she is actually a bigger jury threat than me. If he didn’t, I would have talked to him about it obviously. But I never had to do that, since he came to me during the immunity challenge and told me he was voting out Cassie. So I wouldn’t say I was necessarily “influenced” by anyone; I definitely decided to vote for Cassie on my own, however Knox did confirm my decision.

Thanks Mark! I really enjoyed playing this game with you. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[knox]

Aug 2, 2013 17:24:03 GMT -5 mark said:

Knox
Buddy, it's really hard for me to believe after viewing you in other games for so long, not favorably may I add, that I would come out of two games in a row with you as one of my favorite and closest allies. What's even more odd, is that we spent most of the game apart and disconnected strategically, yet I was still wanting to go to the end with you. I really have nothing negative to say at this point, but the oddest of all. Call me crazy, but I tend to agree with Cassie...honesty is not an act of valor in this game. I know, I know...you try to play a cut-throat game, and people ride you all the time for how much you lied, and then you try to take the high road, and you get ridden for that. It's a no-win situation really. You have to know your competitors, and in this game some of your competitors are not impressed by a so-called honest, bloodless game. That being said, you have to know your competitors if you are at least going to act like that was your game and get away with it. I don't think anyone in the jury bought it, so...

• Tell us your TRUE motivation behind all the judgment "likes" and the ordeal between Cassie and Dominic and most specifically your stance in not voting for Henry. From an outsider's perspective it really looks like saving face in front of jurors.
  

Hey Mark! Thanks for the kind words, I am so beyond glad to be able to walk out of this game with a friend like you. I wanted to go to the end with you for a long time as well, especially once Hannah was gone, so I am happy to hear you did too.

I have to admit, I am kind of sad that people think I'm claiming to be honest because I think it would look good. I am not that kind of person, I know a lot of people don't respect a more honest game in Survivor. Like you said, everytime I play a more ruthless game I get shit on, and when I play more kindly apparently I get on too. Normally after a game I feel really bad about being ruthless and hurting people, and I really wanted to come out of this game being able to be proud of myself for representing myself in a light that I would be happy with. Normally I come out of games and people call me horrible, or evil, or a dick and it's just sad because then they don't want to talk to me, and at the end I find out that all the people I thought were my friends can't stand me. I wanted this game to be different, seeing how I never thought I would last I wanted to at least be able to make a good impression and show to people that I am a genuinely nice guy. I guess that backfired since everyone seemingly thinks I'm fake and lying all over.

I am not sure what you mean by "judgement likes" but I would be happy to answer that when you explain that to me. The ordeal with Cassie and Dominic, like I said in her thread it's kind of blurry but I never wanted to make them argue or anything along those lines. I think that was when we were at Final 9 or Final 8 so we already had the numbers and I had nothing to gain from making them argue, the lines were already divided.

The Henry vote... I actually thought that AJ was going to be going home that round. I had discussed it with Thiago before-hand and I thought he was down with that. At that point I viewed her as the biggest jury threat, I had decided a lot of rounds in advance that I wanted her gone first [then later I realized Cassie was the real threat so I voted her out at four, but that's another story]. I talked about it with Henry and he said he was fine with it. I told AJ I was voting for her and we had a heart to heart, she told me she was going to try and convince Thiago to vote for Henry and I said she should do what she had to do.

I asked Henry how secure he was that we had Thiago as a vote and he said he was 100% certain. So I decided to leave it alone, let AJ plead her case and just do my own thing. The whole night I was snapchatting Henry asking him if he was sure and he kept reassuring me that he was. In my mind, I thought that AJ was genuinely going. I did think there was a chance for Henry to leave, but in reality that would only benefit me because I was having such a hard time deciding whether or not I should backstab him at Final Four. Henry reassured me over and over that we had Thiago so I let it be. Turns out, he was wrong and we were both blindsided by the vote.

I knew there was a very small possibility that it could happen, but Henry was so sure about it that I believed him. I never discussed the vote with Thiago at all, I think that night he was feeling really sick so I felt bad about talking game and I thought "well, Henry is already 100% sure, so I should be too". I guess AJ convinced him pretty well or something.

Throughout the game I never tried to save face with the jurors, did I try to form more genuine bonds in case they would help me? Partially, yes, I mean it's part of the game, but I also really enjoyed talking to people. But I never did things thinking "oh, people are gonna vote for me at the end" because in reality after that challenge where we had to vote on "biggest hero" and etc I realized people's perception of me was not the best.

I want to win this game really badly, I believe I have played hard and despite the fact that people mat not respect the fact that I wasn't as scumy or slimy and there were no alterior motives with my actions... that is who I am and I am proud of it. I'm not sorry that I didn't play a dirtier game because I think had I done that I would still get no respect and I would still get bashed over it. Look at last season, I played the complete opposite: I was scumy, lying, shady as fuck and I got zero respect, so coming into this game I thought I maybe had taken the wrong approach, but I guess that wasn't the case... so, like you said this is kind of a lose-lose situation. But I am not a quitter, I am gonna fight and try to prove to you guys that I played good even if I didn't just lie out of my ass and hopefully some of you can respect that.

Anyways, I will clarify on the likes after you explain that more to me. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[mark]

Actually I meant how you would "like" everything that everyone posted in judgment answers, sometimes moreso to the people that were on the opposite side of you. But it's irrelevent at this point. I think you answered perfectly without it.

Don't think for a minute that I think you were being fake. I know you to be genuine...I just wanted you to explain that to the jury. And I completely empathize with you playing ruthless games versus honest ones. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. That's why I said you have to know your competitors.

Also, I should add a more positive notes to your and Aj's games because I felt like I was more critical.

AJ, I do believe you to be one of the most sincere people I've met in these games. And your girlish naivity is very endearing. I don't doubt you play with a heart of gold. Just know your competitors. At any rate, you did play a fantastic game!

And Knox, I mentioned this in the jury, but I believe your story arc to be the most compelling of anyone in the series. You definitely deserve your spot in the final 3, so be proud!

[thiago]

Hey Mark,

Thanks for your very kind comments. It's a shame that we aren't sitting up here together again but maybe that's a good thing because you gave me a run for my "money" last time you tricky cat.

Anyway, regarding my pessimism, it is admittedly a part of who I am. Before results are posted I am always a flustered mess and think the worst, so this may be what people are talking about. I think it only goes to show how much I care about this game, because I only become a pessimistic oracle of doom when something really important to me is on the line. I think my passion for this game has been undeniable, and perhaps a part of my pessimistic spirit came through. I have no apologies for the person that I am, and if pessimistic is part of the package, then so be it! At times I did admittedly over play my feeling of being voted off to manipulate people into feeling that I was on the outs and needed a "home," and in the end, I had about 3 different homes and was able to take my pick.

Thanks for your question and have a nice weekend