Post by ellen on Jul 16, 2013 17:57:26 GMT -5
7/16/2013
Who's dumb? This girl. So much for being voted one of the smartest players in the game, right?
Poor Colleen.
I feel so incredibly bad right now. If I hadn't been so scared, maybe Colleen would still be here, but no, I had to go and be selfish. This is all my fault... it's so incredibly gut wrenching. I just want to crawl into a hole right now and hide from the world. Blah.
7/18/2013
I couldn't pull it out. That challenge was crucial to my survival in this game and I guess that it just wasn't meant to be. With Dominic immune (so happy for him!), I think that my number could definitely be up. It's really frustrating because I'm definitely not ready to go, but at the same time I'm exhausted so maybe it's for the best; I've had a good run.
I think that the fact that I've even come this far is a huge accomplishment in and of itself. I came into this game a prime target and I've consistently defied the odds, so if I go now it'll be with my head held high and with a smile on my face. I think that I'd be at peace with it (but maybe I'm lying to myself.)
Now that doesn't mean I'm giving up by any means. There's still another Idol out there, and this game can change on a dime, so it definitely isn't over; anything could happen and I've proven that I'm a fighter. The one thing I'm not going to do is campaign against Ben. He's been a good friend to me in this game and I haven't forgotten that.
It might be a good thing for them, Ben and Dom, if I do go; with me out of the way, I think that AJ will be a lot more likely to work with them.
I won't lie to myself, this could definitely be my swan song.
7/19/2013
From my perspective, my only real option at this point is to try and appeal to Thiago's sense of well, whatever.
I just keep thinking about how it would be really easy for the other side, with or without Thiago, to say, 'okay, Thiago can vote for Ben this round and the rest of us can vote for Ellen... boom Ellen goes home.'
Boom indeed; not only would that conveniently free Thiago of any surface responsibility for my departure, but it would also kill any chance of Thiago working with Ben and Dominic in the future.
Honestly, the ship is sailing... like now; it's pulling away from the dock and this really could be Thiago's last opportunity to have any control.
If Thiago were to flip, he'd be wedged between two groups of three and would be all but guaranteed a spot in the Final Four. Maybe he already is guaranteed a spot, but he's said to me time and time again that he really only played this season to help me, and if he makes this plunge, it would help me immensely.
If he really doesn't care about winning, which he says he never has, then this move could make a lot of sense.
7/19/2013
My final plea to Thiago:
This is it... I've laid it out and my fate is in Thiago's hands now. We'll see how the cards fall. Heading into this vote, I'm a nervous wreck. It's so crazy to think that this could be the last confessional I ever give...
ETA: Thiago and I's conversation minutes before the voting deadline.
7/20/2013
Cassie and I had an enlightening little conversation today. We talked about a variety of topics... one of them being Thiago. We basically pieced together exactly what I've been suspicious about all along, that he's been playing all sides and has been pitting us against one another since Day 1.
If Cassie flips now, which I seriously think is the smartest thing that she can do, then Thiago had better watch out, because 'Hell hath no fury like two women scorned.'
7/20/2013
Cassie broke the news to me that although she'd really considered it, she wouldn't be able to make the move to vote out Knox. It's sad because for a few hours I did think that there was at least a glimmer of hope, and so it's kind of like, now I have to emotionally prepare myself for the fact that I'm leaving... again.
I'm really not mad. It's just a really awful situation. At least I'll go out knowing that I never gave up; I fought to be here until my dying breath.
Who's dumb? This girl. So much for being voted one of the smartest players in the game, right?
Poor Colleen.
I feel so incredibly bad right now. If I hadn't been so scared, maybe Colleen would still be here, but no, I had to go and be selfish. This is all my fault... it's so incredibly gut wrenching. I just want to crawl into a hole right now and hide from the world. Blah.
7/18/2013
I couldn't pull it out. That challenge was crucial to my survival in this game and I guess that it just wasn't meant to be. With Dominic immune (so happy for him!), I think that my number could definitely be up. It's really frustrating because I'm definitely not ready to go, but at the same time I'm exhausted so maybe it's for the best; I've had a good run.
I think that the fact that I've even come this far is a huge accomplishment in and of itself. I came into this game a prime target and I've consistently defied the odds, so if I go now it'll be with my head held high and with a smile on my face. I think that I'd be at peace with it (but maybe I'm lying to myself.)
Now that doesn't mean I'm giving up by any means. There's still another Idol out there, and this game can change on a dime, so it definitely isn't over; anything could happen and I've proven that I'm a fighter. The one thing I'm not going to do is campaign against Ben. He's been a good friend to me in this game and I haven't forgotten that.
It might be a good thing for them, Ben and Dom, if I do go; with me out of the way, I think that AJ will be a lot more likely to work with them.
I won't lie to myself, this could definitely be my swan song.
7/19/2013
From my perspective, my only real option at this point is to try and appeal to Thiago's sense of well, whatever.
I just keep thinking about how it would be really easy for the other side, with or without Thiago, to say, 'okay, Thiago can vote for Ben this round and the rest of us can vote for Ellen... boom Ellen goes home.'
Boom indeed; not only would that conveniently free Thiago of any surface responsibility for my departure, but it would also kill any chance of Thiago working with Ben and Dominic in the future.
Honestly, the ship is sailing... like now; it's pulling away from the dock and this really could be Thiago's last opportunity to have any control.
If Thiago were to flip, he'd be wedged between two groups of three and would be all but guaranteed a spot in the Final Four. Maybe he already is guaranteed a spot, but he's said to me time and time again that he really only played this season to help me, and if he makes this plunge, it would help me immensely.
If he really doesn't care about winning, which he says he never has, then this move could make a lot of sense.
7/19/2013
My final plea to Thiago:
Hey, so I'm not sure what's going on for you guys this round, but none of Ben, Dominic or I have the other Idol and I have a feeling that it's me tonight. Even if you vote for Ben, which I'm just assuming you will do, AJ, Cassie, Henry and Knox could vote for me and I'll go home.
I know that you have been upset with me and I am sorry if I've hurt you but people continue to support my original reservations, so I think that you should know about that. The other night, Cassie and I had a huge heart-to-heart, and she basically told me that you were the one who told her that I was fishing for information about Legatu at the beginning of the game, not the other way around. I didn't even mention your name, but when I told her that I'd heard she had said those things about me, she immediately implicated you, saying she'd only agreed with things you were saying, "not to throw Thiago under the bus."
I know you say that you felt on the outs of Legatu, and you also may or may not know that AJ, Cassie, Henry and Knox are all connected (through the iSurvivor series) and could very well have a Final Four deal. If AJ's phone conversations with Dominic hold any truth, then they do. I'm not sure what deals you have in place for yourself, but take that for what it's worth. From what I understand I was your original alliance so I hope that counts for something and you won't just let me go off to jury.
I feel like you could make a huge plunge and solidify yourself in a huge swing position for the Final Seven (not to mention a guaranteed spot in the Top Four) and you can also help me at the same time (which is what you say you have wanted to accomplish by playing this game.)
If you played your Idol on me, or even if you played it on yourself and tied the vote with us, then the odds are definitely in our favor. Either we can vote out someone of your choice (our votes are on Knox now,) or we can take it to rocks with only Ben or I having to pick them depending... I can't make any promises about what Ben and Dominic would do at the Final Four, but I can promise you at least a tie if it comes to that... at least. You would still have the option to stick with AJ and Cassie next round too, if that's what you feel more comfortable with going forward.
I'm asking you for help as your friend, not as a player. You know how much I care about this game and my fate is in your hands. If you really played to help me then I think that this move makes the most sense for both of us. Good luck with your decision.
- Ellen
I know that you have been upset with me and I am sorry if I've hurt you but people continue to support my original reservations, so I think that you should know about that. The other night, Cassie and I had a huge heart-to-heart, and she basically told me that you were the one who told her that I was fishing for information about Legatu at the beginning of the game, not the other way around. I didn't even mention your name, but when I told her that I'd heard she had said those things about me, she immediately implicated you, saying she'd only agreed with things you were saying, "not to throw Thiago under the bus."
I know you say that you felt on the outs of Legatu, and you also may or may not know that AJ, Cassie, Henry and Knox are all connected (through the iSurvivor series) and could very well have a Final Four deal. If AJ's phone conversations with Dominic hold any truth, then they do. I'm not sure what deals you have in place for yourself, but take that for what it's worth. From what I understand I was your original alliance so I hope that counts for something and you won't just let me go off to jury.
I feel like you could make a huge plunge and solidify yourself in a huge swing position for the Final Seven (not to mention a guaranteed spot in the Top Four) and you can also help me at the same time (which is what you say you have wanted to accomplish by playing this game.)
If you played your Idol on me, or even if you played it on yourself and tied the vote with us, then the odds are definitely in our favor. Either we can vote out someone of your choice (our votes are on Knox now,) or we can take it to rocks with only Ben or I having to pick them depending... I can't make any promises about what Ben and Dominic would do at the Final Four, but I can promise you at least a tie if it comes to that... at least. You would still have the option to stick with AJ and Cassie next round too, if that's what you feel more comfortable with going forward.
I'm asking you for help as your friend, not as a player. You know how much I care about this game and my fate is in your hands. If you really played to help me then I think that this move makes the most sense for both of us. Good luck with your decision.
- Ellen
This is it... I've laid it out and my fate is in Thiago's hands now. We'll see how the cards fall. Heading into this vote, I'm a nervous wreck. It's so crazy to think that this could be the last confessional I ever give...
ETA: Thiago and I's conversation minutes before the voting deadline.
Thiago: Hey.
Ellen: Hey.
Thiago: I understand how you feel and it's tough to respond... I stand firmly, and you'll see after all this, that my loyalty was always to you, until you threw me aside around the Wendy vote.
Ellen: It was a small part of a conversation that we had about Cassie and I, you only came up at that point.
Thiago: I started to question it when you believed something Colleen manipulated.
Ellen: I believe you, but I want you to know that is what people have been saying.
Thiago: That's when I fully realized that you didn't feel you needed me anymore, or had made up your mind about me, but that's the truth and I feel like you're using the plea that as your friend I owe you this... but as my friend I was also owed not being so mistreated when I came into this game for you.
Ellen: I've never felt like I cast you aside, I've always protected you on my end, you've never had your name written down when I've had a say.
Thiago: The thing is that if I were to do any of what you're proposing, I cannot win this game.
Ellen: This is my life in this game, and I think it's a move that helps you too... and I didn't think you cared about winning.
Thiago: I am aware of the Final Four that people think is going on between AJ, Cassie, Henry and Knox.
Ellen: Well I'm sure there are deals everywhere on your side, I'm sure you feel secure and maybe you are.
Thiago: I decided around the time you cast me aside that I was going to play for myself and no longer for other people.
Ellen: I just hope you understand exactly why I felt reservations... I think it's pretty drastic to use that as leverage to just cut me loose in this game, but I do understand that you have to play for yourself.
Thiago: Well it did really hurt me and it's not drastic when doing what you're proposing would lose me the respect of everyone left.
Ellen: I was hurt as well, by what I was hearing, doesn't that mean anything?
Thiago: It hurts that you wouldn't believe me.
Ellen: It hurts that you won't forgive me and that you're going to let me leave this game.
Thiago: I have forgiven you but it's difficult to forget when I'm being given an ultimatum between voting you out or voting off one of the people on my side.
Ellen: People who would have voted you out first on Legatu... AJ, Cassie and Henry all would have voted you out first, you've said so yourself, what makes you think they're going to change their mind? AJ has been friends with all three of them for years... I don't know, maybe you have something with Henry, but if you go to the end with Henry you will lose anyway.
Thiago: Yeah I understand. I think that I need to stick with loyalty to the people who have shown loyalty to me if I'm being honest. I may get burned for it but it's a risk I have to take and a lesson I'll have to learn for myself. Just remember that things aren't always what they seem.
Ellen: I just hope you know how much this hurts... to have you be the one to take me out... but I'm a big girl, so if that's what you've decided then I guess that's that.
Ellen: Hey.
Thiago: I understand how you feel and it's tough to respond... I stand firmly, and you'll see after all this, that my loyalty was always to you, until you threw me aside around the Wendy vote.
Ellen: It was a small part of a conversation that we had about Cassie and I, you only came up at that point.
Thiago: I started to question it when you believed something Colleen manipulated.
Ellen: I believe you, but I want you to know that is what people have been saying.
Thiago: That's when I fully realized that you didn't feel you needed me anymore, or had made up your mind about me, but that's the truth and I feel like you're using the plea that as your friend I owe you this... but as my friend I was also owed not being so mistreated when I came into this game for you.
Ellen: I've never felt like I cast you aside, I've always protected you on my end, you've never had your name written down when I've had a say.
Thiago: The thing is that if I were to do any of what you're proposing, I cannot win this game.
Ellen: This is my life in this game, and I think it's a move that helps you too... and I didn't think you cared about winning.
Thiago: I am aware of the Final Four that people think is going on between AJ, Cassie, Henry and Knox.
Ellen: Well I'm sure there are deals everywhere on your side, I'm sure you feel secure and maybe you are.
Thiago: I decided around the time you cast me aside that I was going to play for myself and no longer for other people.
Ellen: I just hope you understand exactly why I felt reservations... I think it's pretty drastic to use that as leverage to just cut me loose in this game, but I do understand that you have to play for yourself.
Thiago: Well it did really hurt me and it's not drastic when doing what you're proposing would lose me the respect of everyone left.
Ellen: I was hurt as well, by what I was hearing, doesn't that mean anything?
Thiago: It hurts that you wouldn't believe me.
Ellen: It hurts that you won't forgive me and that you're going to let me leave this game.
Thiago: I have forgiven you but it's difficult to forget when I'm being given an ultimatum between voting you out or voting off one of the people on my side.
Ellen: People who would have voted you out first on Legatu... AJ, Cassie and Henry all would have voted you out first, you've said so yourself, what makes you think they're going to change their mind? AJ has been friends with all three of them for years... I don't know, maybe you have something with Henry, but if you go to the end with Henry you will lose anyway.
Thiago: Yeah I understand. I think that I need to stick with loyalty to the people who have shown loyalty to me if I'm being honest. I may get burned for it but it's a risk I have to take and a lesson I'll have to learn for myself. Just remember that things aren't always what they seem.
Ellen: I just hope you know how much this hurts... to have you be the one to take me out... but I'm a big girl, so if that's what you've decided then I guess that's that.
7/20/2013
Cassie and I had an enlightening little conversation today. We talked about a variety of topics... one of them being Thiago. We basically pieced together exactly what I've been suspicious about all along, that he's been playing all sides and has been pitting us against one another since Day 1.
Cassie: To be honest, I was kind of upset last night because Thiago approached me and told me that you said I threw him under the bus during our heart-to-heart... which kind of hurt my feelings...
Ellen: No, I didn't tell him that at all, I told him how you, without trying, confirmed my suspicions about him and I told him you didn't mean it that way... that it was one little sentence in a conversation about you and I. He has been acting like you and AJ have shit talked me all game. You should know that and be careful.
Cassie: Oh he said you were trying to flip him.
Ellen: I've had him pegged since like Round 3 Cassie, trying to pit us against each other.
Cassie: That kinda makes sense though, since he only showed me part of what you sent him.
Ellen: He will pretend that he is innocent, but he fakes emotion in his confessional... like if you look at last season, his breakdown in Episode 2 was staged. He told me point blank that he wasn't really upset and was just pretending to be, to get a 'CPP.'
Cassie: Well yeah, I pegged all his crap he said about you as staged... and it got back to him and he confronted me about it.
Ellen: Well he would bring me stuff that you and AJ said about me, in like every conversation and then spin it as if you were the ones instigating.
Cassie: But I like didn't even talk about you...
Ellen: I caught him doing it and confronted him.
Cassie: He always came to me and said how he would get in fights with you and that you'd be fishing for information.
Ellen: Yeah, that was a lie.
Cassie: So basically he's pulling a Ronnie...
Ellen: When he told me he said that, I got really upset and I was like, 'why would you project that dude?' Then he guilt tripped me saying he had to act like he hated me because Legatu was firmly anti-Ellen. He tried to act like he played this game for me, but he is totally playing for himself and he always has been.
Cassie: Well he came to me last night and just sent me excerpts from what you sent him, and it made it seem like you were abusing out convo and manipulating it to get him to flip.
Ellen: Yeah he did the same thing with Colleen. He would send me snippets and then Colleen showed me the whole convo.
Cassie: Then he was putting it in my head that you didn't care about friends right now and that your mind was blurred from the game and we'd only be able to make up when it was over.
Ellen: Ha ha... please... he's a snake Cassie.
Cassie: I figured as much honestly.
Ellen: All he's done all game is try to make me paranoid.
Cassie: I've been suspicious about him since the beginning. I knew there had to be someone in the middle perpetuating all of the drama.
Ellen: Yep. He even blamed you for the drama between AJ and me.
Cassie: Ha! He just told me that you blamed me for all of the you and AJ drama.
Ellen: He said it was your fault and I should have talked to you, ha ha.
Cassie: I was hurt because I thought we'd cleared the air... he legit just said that last night.
Ellen: He's playing hardcore.
Cassie: Ugh why didn't we talk sooner.
Ellen: I don't know... he's still making it out to be my fault that I'm leaving.
Cassie: It really upsets me because he's been exploiting relationships.
Ellen: He acts like he would have been the first to go on Legatu, which maybe that's true.
Cassie: It wasn't decided.
Ellen: He also acts like he wasn't in on the Wendy vote split.
Cassie: That's so dirty.
Ellen: Yep.
Cassie: It seriously all makes sense... like everything.
Ellen: AJ called Dominic after Selena left and told him that AJ, Henry, Knox and you were the core, but Thiago feels comfortable... so I'm wondering if there really is an anti-Plagues thing. Knox, Henry and Thiago obviously have some sort of inside joke based on their votes the round that Colleen left.
Cassie: Yeah he told me last night that you guys said he'd be fifth because of an alliance and then he was telling me how that was insulting our intelligence because he's the perfect goat.
Ellen: Ha! He told me that he was voting me out because if he doesn't he can't win.
Cassie: So he looks like a genius right now and we all look like idiots.
Ellen: Pretty much.
Cassie: No one is gonna respect that kind of game though... like I don't know what he's doing.
Ellen: I don't know, I feel like it sucks because if I go, Ben and Dom will gravitate towards AJ and then people think that Knox is AJ's pawn. I'm curious, are you playing for AJ because of what happened last time? I would understand if you were, I think that's the perception anyway.
Cassie: Like, I haven't been playing for AJ, but I promised myself that I'd never vote her out.
Ellen: Yeah.
Cassie: I've almost been forced into a position where it comes off that way.
Ellen: It sucks... do you think she's been as loyal to you?
Cassie: I told her at the switch how the sides weren't fun and how I hated it... and she gave me permission to go against her... she said she wouldn't be mad but I didn't feel right about it... she said that last time too and she was still mad.
Ellen: I'm not trying to plant ideas in your head but I do know that she told Dominic way back that she would pick Chase over you, so just be careful. I think she will stick with you at this point.
Cassie: Well that doesn't surprise me to be honest, I kind of got that vibe early on, and it made me kind of mad.
Ellen: I don't know, she could have been lying to Dominic... I know that for me, Colleen was always lower than Ben and Dominic on my boot list just because she voted me out last time and I felt guilty about voting them out... so it could have been a similar thing, she just maybe felt bad about the whole Chase thing.
Cassie: Well AJ is the type where she will say whatever to piss off the least amount of people.
Ellen: Yeah I mean it's hard to say, it's frustrating because Chase told Dominic that she cried to him about nuLegatu but then she acted all excited to be with me to my face... but I suppose that a lot of that is Thiago's fault.
Cassie: Well I said from the get-go that you two just needed to talk and hash it out but AJ insisted that it waited until the game was over.
Ellen: Are you confident about what will happen at five for you guys?
Cassie: No, the subject is barely talked about.
Ellen: Thiago told me almost verbatim that 'things are not always as they seem' and to 'just remember that.' Obviously he feels comfortable...
Cassie: I've been suspicious that the guys have something.
Ellen: If I had to guess yeah... which would put you at fifth because they are definitely taking AJ to the Final Four with them and she wouldn't even have to vote you out.
Cassie: Yeah... I've been considering that.
Ellen: Obviously my back is up against a wall so you have to take everything that I say with a grain of salt, but now could be your chance to make a move and you'd pretty much be guaranteed Final Four. AJ, Henry and Thiago are never going to work with me.
Cassie: All I could do is force rocks though, that's the issue.
Ellen: I think if you flipped that Thiago would flip too, because he has an Idol and he's not going to risk rocks. I don't know if you're close with Knox though, and I know this would be a huge move to make, but if they really do have a pact with each other, then this is like your last chance to take control.
Cassie: It's tough because I know that you, Ben and Dominic would go to the Final Three and I can't blame you guys for that but it's true. I'd never be able to beat you or Dominic in the last challenge.
Ellen: I for one am going to be someone who is going to have your back no matter what Cassie and I'm not asking for a promise that you'll stay with us next round but I can yell you that we'd never vote for you.
Cassie: I'm honestly considering it.
Ellen: You'll still have the numbers even if I stay and I can't blame you if you have to do what you have to do at the Final Seven.
Cassie: Well you know me, I always try to pull something at the merge to guarantee my endgame, so this offer is enticing...
Ellen: Obviously I would love for the Final Four to be Ben, Dominic you and me but I also understand you reservations with that scenario... but having me around is an asset to you Cassie, I can tell you that.
Cassie: I've been wanting to work with you and Dom in particular and this gives me a reason to.
Ellen: The longer I'm in the game the better it is for you... and I know deep down that you don't want to write my name down.
Cassie: That's for sure.
Ellen: I mean this would be huge and if we can watch out for one another then we secure our spots until at least Top Six, farther for you.
Cassie: Yeah, it totally makes sense... I have to talk to Thiago first because I'm not drawing rocks.
Ellen: Yeah of course, I think superficially it makes sense for Thiago too though, because he knows he has no connection to Ben or Dominic. Obviously you and I have him pegged but we can deal with him later.
Cassie: Yeah.
Ellen: He doesn't have to know that though... this would be like an Erika/Janelle moment.
Cassie: Ha ha! Oh my God, I was thinking that.
Ellen: I feel like if he's adamantly opposed to this, then he has something the guys, because otherwise it would make no sense for him not to put himself in what he thinks is a swing position. Maybe appeal to how this would seal control of the game for you guys.
Cassie: Yeah for sure... I gotta go for now but I'll be back later to talk.
Ellen: Okay sounds good! Talk to you soon.
Ellen: No, I didn't tell him that at all, I told him how you, without trying, confirmed my suspicions about him and I told him you didn't mean it that way... that it was one little sentence in a conversation about you and I. He has been acting like you and AJ have shit talked me all game. You should know that and be careful.
Cassie: Oh he said you were trying to flip him.
Ellen: I've had him pegged since like Round 3 Cassie, trying to pit us against each other.
Cassie: That kinda makes sense though, since he only showed me part of what you sent him.
Ellen: He will pretend that he is innocent, but he fakes emotion in his confessional... like if you look at last season, his breakdown in Episode 2 was staged. He told me point blank that he wasn't really upset and was just pretending to be, to get a 'CPP.'
Cassie: Well yeah, I pegged all his crap he said about you as staged... and it got back to him and he confronted me about it.
Ellen: Well he would bring me stuff that you and AJ said about me, in like every conversation and then spin it as if you were the ones instigating.
Cassie: But I like didn't even talk about you...
Ellen: I caught him doing it and confronted him.
Cassie: He always came to me and said how he would get in fights with you and that you'd be fishing for information.
Ellen: Yeah, that was a lie.
Cassie: So basically he's pulling a Ronnie...
Ellen: When he told me he said that, I got really upset and I was like, 'why would you project that dude?' Then he guilt tripped me saying he had to act like he hated me because Legatu was firmly anti-Ellen. He tried to act like he played this game for me, but he is totally playing for himself and he always has been.
Cassie: Well he came to me last night and just sent me excerpts from what you sent him, and it made it seem like you were abusing out convo and manipulating it to get him to flip.
Ellen: Yeah he did the same thing with Colleen. He would send me snippets and then Colleen showed me the whole convo.
Cassie: Then he was putting it in my head that you didn't care about friends right now and that your mind was blurred from the game and we'd only be able to make up when it was over.
Ellen: Ha ha... please... he's a snake Cassie.
Cassie: I figured as much honestly.
Ellen: All he's done all game is try to make me paranoid.
Cassie: I've been suspicious about him since the beginning. I knew there had to be someone in the middle perpetuating all of the drama.
Ellen: Yep. He even blamed you for the drama between AJ and me.
Cassie: Ha! He just told me that you blamed me for all of the you and AJ drama.
Ellen: He said it was your fault and I should have talked to you, ha ha.
Cassie: I was hurt because I thought we'd cleared the air... he legit just said that last night.
Ellen: He's playing hardcore.
Cassie: Ugh why didn't we talk sooner.
Ellen: I don't know... he's still making it out to be my fault that I'm leaving.
Cassie: It really upsets me because he's been exploiting relationships.
Ellen: He acts like he would have been the first to go on Legatu, which maybe that's true.
Cassie: It wasn't decided.
Ellen: He also acts like he wasn't in on the Wendy vote split.
Cassie: That's so dirty.
Ellen: Yep.
Cassie: It seriously all makes sense... like everything.
Ellen: AJ called Dominic after Selena left and told him that AJ, Henry, Knox and you were the core, but Thiago feels comfortable... so I'm wondering if there really is an anti-Plagues thing. Knox, Henry and Thiago obviously have some sort of inside joke based on their votes the round that Colleen left.
Cassie: Yeah he told me last night that you guys said he'd be fifth because of an alliance and then he was telling me how that was insulting our intelligence because he's the perfect goat.
Ellen: Ha! He told me that he was voting me out because if he doesn't he can't win.
Cassie: So he looks like a genius right now and we all look like idiots.
Ellen: Pretty much.
Cassie: No one is gonna respect that kind of game though... like I don't know what he's doing.
Ellen: I don't know, I feel like it sucks because if I go, Ben and Dom will gravitate towards AJ and then people think that Knox is AJ's pawn. I'm curious, are you playing for AJ because of what happened last time? I would understand if you were, I think that's the perception anyway.
Cassie: Like, I haven't been playing for AJ, but I promised myself that I'd never vote her out.
Ellen: Yeah.
Cassie: I've almost been forced into a position where it comes off that way.
Ellen: It sucks... do you think she's been as loyal to you?
Cassie: I told her at the switch how the sides weren't fun and how I hated it... and she gave me permission to go against her... she said she wouldn't be mad but I didn't feel right about it... she said that last time too and she was still mad.
Ellen: I'm not trying to plant ideas in your head but I do know that she told Dominic way back that she would pick Chase over you, so just be careful. I think she will stick with you at this point.
Cassie: Well that doesn't surprise me to be honest, I kind of got that vibe early on, and it made me kind of mad.
Ellen: I don't know, she could have been lying to Dominic... I know that for me, Colleen was always lower than Ben and Dominic on my boot list just because she voted me out last time and I felt guilty about voting them out... so it could have been a similar thing, she just maybe felt bad about the whole Chase thing.
Cassie: Well AJ is the type where she will say whatever to piss off the least amount of people.
Ellen: Yeah I mean it's hard to say, it's frustrating because Chase told Dominic that she cried to him about nuLegatu but then she acted all excited to be with me to my face... but I suppose that a lot of that is Thiago's fault.
Cassie: Well I said from the get-go that you two just needed to talk and hash it out but AJ insisted that it waited until the game was over.
Ellen: Are you confident about what will happen at five for you guys?
Cassie: No, the subject is barely talked about.
Ellen: Thiago told me almost verbatim that 'things are not always as they seem' and to 'just remember that.' Obviously he feels comfortable...
Cassie: I've been suspicious that the guys have something.
Ellen: If I had to guess yeah... which would put you at fifth because they are definitely taking AJ to the Final Four with them and she wouldn't even have to vote you out.
Cassie: Yeah... I've been considering that.
Ellen: Obviously my back is up against a wall so you have to take everything that I say with a grain of salt, but now could be your chance to make a move and you'd pretty much be guaranteed Final Four. AJ, Henry and Thiago are never going to work with me.
Cassie: All I could do is force rocks though, that's the issue.
Ellen: I think if you flipped that Thiago would flip too, because he has an Idol and he's not going to risk rocks. I don't know if you're close with Knox though, and I know this would be a huge move to make, but if they really do have a pact with each other, then this is like your last chance to take control.
Cassie: It's tough because I know that you, Ben and Dominic would go to the Final Three and I can't blame you guys for that but it's true. I'd never be able to beat you or Dominic in the last challenge.
Ellen: I for one am going to be someone who is going to have your back no matter what Cassie and I'm not asking for a promise that you'll stay with us next round but I can yell you that we'd never vote for you.
Cassie: I'm honestly considering it.
Ellen: You'll still have the numbers even if I stay and I can't blame you if you have to do what you have to do at the Final Seven.
Cassie: Well you know me, I always try to pull something at the merge to guarantee my endgame, so this offer is enticing...
Ellen: Obviously I would love for the Final Four to be Ben, Dominic you and me but I also understand you reservations with that scenario... but having me around is an asset to you Cassie, I can tell you that.
Cassie: I've been wanting to work with you and Dom in particular and this gives me a reason to.
Ellen: The longer I'm in the game the better it is for you... and I know deep down that you don't want to write my name down.
Cassie: That's for sure.
Ellen: I mean this would be huge and if we can watch out for one another then we secure our spots until at least Top Six, farther for you.
Cassie: Yeah, it totally makes sense... I have to talk to Thiago first because I'm not drawing rocks.
Ellen: Yeah of course, I think superficially it makes sense for Thiago too though, because he knows he has no connection to Ben or Dominic. Obviously you and I have him pegged but we can deal with him later.
Cassie: Yeah.
Ellen: He doesn't have to know that though... this would be like an Erika/Janelle moment.
Cassie: Ha ha! Oh my God, I was thinking that.
Ellen: I feel like if he's adamantly opposed to this, then he has something the guys, because otherwise it would make no sense for him not to put himself in what he thinks is a swing position. Maybe appeal to how this would seal control of the game for you guys.
Cassie: Yeah for sure... I gotta go for now but I'll be back later to talk.
Ellen: Okay sounds good! Talk to you soon.
If Cassie flips now, which I seriously think is the smartest thing that she can do, then Thiago had better watch out, because 'Hell hath no fury like two women scorned.'
7/20/2013
Cassie broke the news to me that although she'd really considered it, she wouldn't be able to make the move to vote out Knox. It's sad because for a few hours I did think that there was at least a glimmer of hope, and so it's kind of like, now I have to emotionally prepare myself for the fact that I'm leaving... again.
Cassie: I'm just not really sure that switching my vote is a good idea... I mean I was thinking about your points and it gave me something to think about, but... :-\
Ellen: You're having second thoughts?
Cassie: I don't think it would really put me in a pivotal position... I'd be pissing people off and I wouldn't just be able to flip back to like AJ, Henry and Thiago. They'd lose a lot of trust in me.
Ellen: Well I do get that point, although with Thiago he'd have to flip with you for it to even happen... ugh, it's just frustrating is all, you know? I'm not sure of what the dynamics are with you guys, so you might be fine just going to five over with them for all I know... if you really don't think it will better your position, I mean you have to do what you have to do.
Cassie:Yeah, i understand. and it kills me to even be in this position... you know how I don't want to vote you off.
Ellen: Yeah, it's just gonna be a bummer if Ben, Dom and you are the next three to go.
Cassie: I don't know the dynamics are with the five either... but if I'm somewhat of a double-agent, I would just be seen as a backstabber, and I think it might even force me into a worse position.
Ellen: Obviously I want to stay but I can't ask you to throw your game away for me... even though I don't necessarily see it as such, but I understand the points you're making. AJ and Henry would be pretty upset if Knox goes.
Cassie: I mean i trust that Ben, Dom and especially you would back me up, but like going to four with you guys isn't great for me either.
Ellen: Yeah. I won't make false promises and say that I think that would be a great spot for you to be in. I'd feel pretty indebted to you but I don't about the boys at that point and after everything that's gone down it's like I can't even imagine voting one of them off either.
Cassie: Yeah and like I can't ask you to promise me Final Three over them because I get that you're indebted to them too.
Ellen: It's funny, I was thinking about how Thiago was saying that friendship means nothing to me right now... but I could have easily voted for Ben, Dominic could have too and I'd still be here.
Cassie: Yeah.
Ellen: But I'm not that kind of player
Cassie: You deserve better than 8th Place... you do.
Ellen: I know there's a rep, because I did have a lot of pull last time, but I am a loyal person and I do have a heart.
Cassie: I know you are, and I know you do! You don't have to persuade me to think that... I've seen it first hand.
Ellen: I just feel like Knox is their goat... he's nice and all but he's pretty much followed people all game.
Cassie: Yeah and you've played so hard.
Ellen: I mean I'm not going to hold it against you Cassie. I Just don't want to go, it's been such a battle this time and I'm proud to have come even this far but it's still disheartening.
Cassie: I know you don't. I don't want you to go either.
Ellen: I guess though, that I'd rather go now, having played as straightforward as I could and having been committed to the people who had my back. I'd rather that then have maybe gone a little bit farther playing dirty.
Cassie: You've been like a comfort to me in this game. We could talk about non-game things and like... it made these "sides" disappear in my mind for a little while.
Ellen: I know that we haven't been as joined at the hip as we were last time but when we have talked I've been happy to talk about stuff beyond the game, it has been comforting.
Cassie: I agree completely.
Ellen: I appreciate your honesty, and at least I had one last hurrah of a high... this game has been such a roller coaster
Cassie: Thinking about this move was like one of the funnest points in the game, even if it isn't going to come to fruition.
Ellen: Yeah I enjoyed it, it made me feel like we were outsmarting the puppet master of something, I felt smart for a little bit ha ha.
Cassie: Ha ha I felt important... like we were gonna pull something together and make this grandiose move.
Ellen: I've felt so guilty about Thiago but I've doubted him the entire way too. I feel like all he's done this season is emotionally blackmail me, maybe that's just my perception and I really have mistreated him, but it's hard to ignore all the evidence.
Cassie: I just don't get it like... you say all these things he's been doing and all he's been doing is saying things that you've been doing and like, I believe you, I do.
Ellen: He's just been exploiting the situation.
Cassie: Which I've suspected.
Ellen: The way that he acts like he values my friendship and that me believing people like Colleen and you over him is so hurtful... I feel like it's really low.
Cassie: I need to look back at my logs.
Ellen: Watching him last season made me really uncomfortable and I should have masked it better or kept my cards closer to my chest.
Cassie: I remember when he approached me about how you were fishing for info from him and how he felt hurt by that.
Ellen: Yeah he told me he was saying that to get information and I was like, what's the point of that? You're just smearing my reputation.
Cassie: I remember he came to me and said how he fought with you over something.
Ellen: Yeah... I asked him point blank, why he would make something like that up. That was really when I knew I think.
Cassie: I asked AJ if it was staged and she was like, "why would he do that?"
Ellen: To make you guys think that you couldn't trust me for one and to make me think that I could trust any of you. I didn't trust AJ to begin with, but for other reasons, and he exploited that more than anyone I guess.
Cassie: Yeah I always knew there was someone or some people in the middle exploiting things and perpetuating the drama... I could just never pinpoint anyone. I just blamed everyone for the situation.
Ellen: Something else I don't understand is where the idea that my side had and alliance in place months before the game began. Dominic was one of the last people that I expected would work with me coming into this and Selena hated me until the beginning of the game.
Cassie: Well, everyone blamed Gloria for that and then Quincy perpetuated it even more.
Ellen: She went completely nuts Cassie... like she flew off the handle... wait what did Quincy do?
Cassie: He spread the whole 'Ben, Colleen, Dom, Ellen, Luca cross-tribal alliance rumor' that had existed from the beginning.
Ellen: Well that's funny because around the time that Wendy left he told me that the pre-jury hatred for me made him sick and that he was rooting for me... apparently Mark has said some really nasty things in jury too, so I'm not looking forward to that.
Cassie: I heard that he was sick of people bitching ha ha but I don't know everything that was said.
Ellen: I just keep hearing that he bitches about some pre-game that existed months in advance of this game. Apparently we Skyped every day in preparation for it... it's just not true.
Cassie: Ha ha, I was in some of those Skype calls! I told people that Gloria was just making shit up. They weren't alliance calls, it was just Good & Evil chatter.
Ellen: I befriended Gloria and Luca because I liked them... it wasn't like a premeditated thing on my part to get close to them for All-Stars.
Cassie: Everything was just unnecessarily perpetuated.
Ellen: Chase made a comment to Dom about how I'd been playing this game since our original season ended.
Cassie: Yeah, I had heard that too... ugh, should've stood up for you more.
Ellen: I don't know... I"m not going to mope. I'm not innocent and I think that it made sense for me to be a target coming into this game because I know that people saw me as a threat... but it just seemed like I was being targeted for other reasons and I think that's why I felt so hurt for a long time. I still to this day don't understand why Chase hated me so much.
Cassie: I totally understand that... it's like when I heard things said about me that weren't true and I was just associated with things that I didn't agree with.
Ellen: Like the stuff he would say to Dom, I can't imagine what he was saying to AJ in private.
Cassie: I think everyone will be able to clear the air more when the game is over... it's been extremely personal.
Ellen: Yeah I hope so, I think that it's been an issue for a lot of us this time.
Cassie: I should go.
Ellen: I think you've been a victim of it, I think Selena was, I think people fueled a lot of the AJ vs. Ellen drama too... it's just been a mess... oh and okay!
Cassie: I'm glad we could chat and have some fun today, I'm really sorry that I have to write you name down... I honestly am sad about it.
Ellen: It's okay... it's just a game, I'm sad but I'll get over it. If I don't talk to you before the votes are read, good luck. Thanks for at least hearing me out.
Cassie: I really wasn't faking thinking about it... my mind was racing.
Ellen: I know you wouldn't fake that.
Cassie: I'll talk to you later?
Ellen: Ha ha okay, congrats on making it to Day 36! Bye bye!
Cassie: Ha ha thank you! Bye!
Ellen: You're having second thoughts?
Cassie: I don't think it would really put me in a pivotal position... I'd be pissing people off and I wouldn't just be able to flip back to like AJ, Henry and Thiago. They'd lose a lot of trust in me.
Ellen: Well I do get that point, although with Thiago he'd have to flip with you for it to even happen... ugh, it's just frustrating is all, you know? I'm not sure of what the dynamics are with you guys, so you might be fine just going to five over with them for all I know... if you really don't think it will better your position, I mean you have to do what you have to do.
Cassie:Yeah, i understand. and it kills me to even be in this position... you know how I don't want to vote you off.
Ellen: Yeah, it's just gonna be a bummer if Ben, Dom and you are the next three to go.
Cassie: I don't know the dynamics are with the five either... but if I'm somewhat of a double-agent, I would just be seen as a backstabber, and I think it might even force me into a worse position.
Ellen: Obviously I want to stay but I can't ask you to throw your game away for me... even though I don't necessarily see it as such, but I understand the points you're making. AJ and Henry would be pretty upset if Knox goes.
Cassie: I mean i trust that Ben, Dom and especially you would back me up, but like going to four with you guys isn't great for me either.
Ellen: Yeah. I won't make false promises and say that I think that would be a great spot for you to be in. I'd feel pretty indebted to you but I don't about the boys at that point and after everything that's gone down it's like I can't even imagine voting one of them off either.
Cassie: Yeah and like I can't ask you to promise me Final Three over them because I get that you're indebted to them too.
Ellen: It's funny, I was thinking about how Thiago was saying that friendship means nothing to me right now... but I could have easily voted for Ben, Dominic could have too and I'd still be here.
Cassie: Yeah.
Ellen: But I'm not that kind of player
Cassie: You deserve better than 8th Place... you do.
Ellen: I know there's a rep, because I did have a lot of pull last time, but I am a loyal person and I do have a heart.
Cassie: I know you are, and I know you do! You don't have to persuade me to think that... I've seen it first hand.
Ellen: I just feel like Knox is their goat... he's nice and all but he's pretty much followed people all game.
Cassie: Yeah and you've played so hard.
Ellen: I mean I'm not going to hold it against you Cassie. I Just don't want to go, it's been such a battle this time and I'm proud to have come even this far but it's still disheartening.
Cassie: I know you don't. I don't want you to go either.
Ellen: I guess though, that I'd rather go now, having played as straightforward as I could and having been committed to the people who had my back. I'd rather that then have maybe gone a little bit farther playing dirty.
Cassie: You've been like a comfort to me in this game. We could talk about non-game things and like... it made these "sides" disappear in my mind for a little while.
Ellen: I know that we haven't been as joined at the hip as we were last time but when we have talked I've been happy to talk about stuff beyond the game, it has been comforting.
Cassie: I agree completely.
Ellen: I appreciate your honesty, and at least I had one last hurrah of a high... this game has been such a roller coaster
Cassie: Thinking about this move was like one of the funnest points in the game, even if it isn't going to come to fruition.
Ellen: Yeah I enjoyed it, it made me feel like we were outsmarting the puppet master of something, I felt smart for a little bit ha ha.
Cassie: Ha ha I felt important... like we were gonna pull something together and make this grandiose move.
Ellen: I've felt so guilty about Thiago but I've doubted him the entire way too. I feel like all he's done this season is emotionally blackmail me, maybe that's just my perception and I really have mistreated him, but it's hard to ignore all the evidence.
Cassie: I just don't get it like... you say all these things he's been doing and all he's been doing is saying things that you've been doing and like, I believe you, I do.
Ellen: He's just been exploiting the situation.
Cassie: Which I've suspected.
Ellen: The way that he acts like he values my friendship and that me believing people like Colleen and you over him is so hurtful... I feel like it's really low.
Cassie: I need to look back at my logs.
Ellen: Watching him last season made me really uncomfortable and I should have masked it better or kept my cards closer to my chest.
Cassie: I remember when he approached me about how you were fishing for info from him and how he felt hurt by that.
Ellen: Yeah he told me he was saying that to get information and I was like, what's the point of that? You're just smearing my reputation.
Cassie: I remember he came to me and said how he fought with you over something.
Ellen: Yeah... I asked him point blank, why he would make something like that up. That was really when I knew I think.
Cassie: I asked AJ if it was staged and she was like, "why would he do that?"
Ellen: To make you guys think that you couldn't trust me for one and to make me think that I could trust any of you. I didn't trust AJ to begin with, but for other reasons, and he exploited that more than anyone I guess.
Cassie: Yeah I always knew there was someone or some people in the middle exploiting things and perpetuating the drama... I could just never pinpoint anyone. I just blamed everyone for the situation.
Ellen: Something else I don't understand is where the idea that my side had and alliance in place months before the game began. Dominic was one of the last people that I expected would work with me coming into this and Selena hated me until the beginning of the game.
Cassie: Well, everyone blamed Gloria for that and then Quincy perpetuated it even more.
Ellen: She went completely nuts Cassie... like she flew off the handle... wait what did Quincy do?
Cassie: He spread the whole 'Ben, Colleen, Dom, Ellen, Luca cross-tribal alliance rumor' that had existed from the beginning.
Ellen: Well that's funny because around the time that Wendy left he told me that the pre-jury hatred for me made him sick and that he was rooting for me... apparently Mark has said some really nasty things in jury too, so I'm not looking forward to that.
Cassie: I heard that he was sick of people bitching ha ha but I don't know everything that was said.
Ellen: I just keep hearing that he bitches about some pre-game that existed months in advance of this game. Apparently we Skyped every day in preparation for it... it's just not true.
Cassie: Ha ha, I was in some of those Skype calls! I told people that Gloria was just making shit up. They weren't alliance calls, it was just Good & Evil chatter.
Ellen: I befriended Gloria and Luca because I liked them... it wasn't like a premeditated thing on my part to get close to them for All-Stars.
Cassie: Everything was just unnecessarily perpetuated.
Ellen: Chase made a comment to Dom about how I'd been playing this game since our original season ended.
Cassie: Yeah, I had heard that too... ugh, should've stood up for you more.
Ellen: I don't know... I"m not going to mope. I'm not innocent and I think that it made sense for me to be a target coming into this game because I know that people saw me as a threat... but it just seemed like I was being targeted for other reasons and I think that's why I felt so hurt for a long time. I still to this day don't understand why Chase hated me so much.
Cassie: I totally understand that... it's like when I heard things said about me that weren't true and I was just associated with things that I didn't agree with.
Ellen: Like the stuff he would say to Dom, I can't imagine what he was saying to AJ in private.
Cassie: I think everyone will be able to clear the air more when the game is over... it's been extremely personal.
Ellen: Yeah I hope so, I think that it's been an issue for a lot of us this time.
Cassie: I should go.
Ellen: I think you've been a victim of it, I think Selena was, I think people fueled a lot of the AJ vs. Ellen drama too... it's just been a mess... oh and okay!
Cassie: I'm glad we could chat and have some fun today, I'm really sorry that I have to write you name down... I honestly am sad about it.
Ellen: It's okay... it's just a game, I'm sad but I'll get over it. If I don't talk to you before the votes are read, good luck. Thanks for at least hearing me out.
Cassie: I really wasn't faking thinking about it... my mind was racing.
Ellen: I know you wouldn't fake that.
Cassie: I'll talk to you later?
Ellen: Ha ha okay, congrats on making it to Day 36! Bye bye!
Cassie: Ha ha thank you! Bye!
I'm really not mad. It's just a really awful situation. At least I'll go out knowing that I never gave up; I fought to be here until my dying breath.